Elect "Mr Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving B'stard" For Bristol Mayor 2012
"My Promise: Free Money For Everyone"
You can join the campaign to implement the Basic Income Guarantee
Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving B'stard
Bstards Campaign Update 3rd July 2012 - Just For The Love Of It
Live Love Dream Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving B'stard
Under 25? Vote for Me!........Tuesday 26th June 2012
Live Love Dream
Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving B'stard
“Surely this proposed handout just encourages laziness rather than hard work & social mobility?”............Friday 22nd June 2012
So 2 days ago I recieved this message on twitter
“Surely this proposed handout just encourages laziness rather than hard work & social mobility?”
I think this is a very interesting question and probably one of the most common concerns people will have and I’d like to fully address it here.
First of all I usually ask 2 questions of my own
1. Define “work”?
2. So are you saying, if you recieved £15,000 basic income, which you would, because every adult gets it, you wouldn’t work?
3. If you think people wouldn’t work, why does anyone currently bother working to earn more than £15,000 a year at the moment?
All I’m proposing is a different way of putting money into the economy. Rather than private banks creating it from thin air, then lending it at interest, or the Bank of England creating it from thin air and “Quanitatively Easing” into the economy, or better still finding £140Billion from thin air to bailout the banks.
Why not put this money in peoples pockets, let them spend it into the economy, and let the true free market economy do the rest…
If work is about earning a wage, why is there a term “voluntary work”? voluntary work doesnt recieve a wage.
If work is about “contributing to society”, define contributing, does it matter if the contribution actually creates any value in the world? or is contributing just “doing something”
There are alot of “jobs/work” that dont contribute anything of value to the world as far as I can see it, from the manufacturing of arms and land mines, to call centres.
So what is work?
I think work is doing something you feel passionate about, that contributes something of value to society, and I think the vast majority of people on an unconditional basic income would use their time to do something they are passionate about. I also believe that if we lived in a society where people were passionate about their lives and what they were doing, we would live in a more fulfilled, creative dynamic and peaceful world.
This conversation on twitter is ongoing and I’ll report back more as it continues
I’m definitely into phase 2 of the campaign as well.
“First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win”
Ive recieved these 2 comments recently
“Free entry to Mental Hospital where you could develop your ‘Manifesto’ included”on my recommended manifesto page
“you need to be sectioned mate” in the Evening Post (although this could be the same person for all I know)
If I need to be sectioned, what about our PM (!)
For the life of me I cant understand his comment about jimmy carr being immoral, when his family made their money in tax havens. There has to be a hidden agenda here. I think its their way of finding an excuse for giving tax cuts to the rich in this age of austerity. ie in a “they avoid tax because the tax rates too high, so lets lower it and well all win” type way………………..corrupt self serving lying thieving bstards that they are
Anyway, if we abolished all tax and just taxed all spending then no one could avoid paying tax. It’s very simple
Live Love Dream
Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving Bstard
B'stard Campaign Update 19 June 2012 - Avoid Paying Your Tax.............
Live Love Dream
Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving B'stard
“First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win.” – Gandhi.............Thursday 14th June 2012
Yippee. So, it looks like the end of "ignore you" phase and the start of the "ridicule you" phase.
Last night I recieved this "tweet" from a Conservative district councillor and "financial director".
Nice of him to engage me, just a pity "BBC Question Time" haven't done the same.Yet (!)
Question 1. Pay every adult £15,000 unconditional basic income....."Don't tell me its a right, or something equally ridiculous? Why?"
Question 2. "Where's does the money come from? Trees? Or thin air, explain your macro economics?"
Two really good opening questions I think, and here are my answers........
1. Eliminate poverty in one fell swoop.
2. All the benefits to society that eliminating poverty would bring
3. Pay for it by abolishing income tax, corporation tax, in fact all tax, & introduce the automated payment transaction tax
Where does it come from at the moment? Yes. Thin air. that's what "Quantative Easing" is. That's where the Spanish bailout money came from too.
What I'm proposing is only a different way of introducing money into the economy.
Anyway, if we can bailout banks, why not meet humanities basic needs instead?
The Greek bank bailout cost £250billion. For £100billion less we could have paid all Greek adults a £15,000 basic income. You do the math (!)
Simple economics dictates, if you put money in peoples pockets, they spend it. Spending it creates jobs and therefore more money. Whats not to like?
I'm still waiting for him to reply with Question 3 (!)
Oh, and Im not sure voters are really "getting" the point of my campaign, so I'm thinking of changing my name again, this time, to Jeremy Hunt
Live Love Dream
Corrupt Self Serving Lying thieving B'stard
Don't Say. - Do!!!!!!!!...............Monday 11th June 2012
Been reading up a bit on this “Living Wage”.
Apparently its “An idea whose time has come” – David Cameron.
Why all this talk of “Living Wage”? And on top of that, why is it just “all talk” ie “we have championed a living wage” etc. You can talk about something til the cows come home, what matters is action. Will you or won’t you, have you or haven’t you put it into place?
When are politicians going to stop talking general “PR Spin speak” and set concrete actions to achieve those goals.
I’m even quoted as “Championing the living wage” myself.
For the record – I Don’t!!
I don’t believe any Government should tell any business how much it should pay its employees. I believe this is always something that should be negotiated between employer and employee.
That’s what I would actually do and how I would actually make it happen.
Can’t understand, for the life of me, why one of the Political Parties doesn’t take it on as their “Showstopper Policy”
Admittedly, the Green Party, have it in their manifesto, under a different name “Citizens Income”, but it seems hidden away, and I’d like to know more about the how it would be implemented, how much it would be and how quickly it would be put in place.
It seems like a logical “policy of choice” to me.
Afterall, How many people earn less than £15,000 a year? How many people are unemployed? How many pensioners are there?
These people would all vote for an unconditional basic income guarantee.
It’s a general election winner, that would put any party in power for a generation at least.
So why don’t they do it?
Live Love Dream
Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving B’stard
Bailouts & Pickles.............Sunday 10th June 2012
Why Vote Conservative, When You Can Vote For Me?......Wednesday 6th June 2012
There’s a great article in the Guardian today, about why working class people vote Conservative.
It’s all about Morals apparently, so I’ve ammended my manifesto promise accordingly to reflect this.
So now, why vote Conservative, when you can vote for me?
Introducing the Unconditional Basic Income Guarantee will ;=
1. DOUBLE THE STATE PENSION. Giving OAP’S the respect they deserve.
2. ABOLISH THE ‘NANNY STATE’ by abolishing Welfare, abolishing Income tax and letting ‘True Free Market Economics’ do the rest.
3. REDUCE CRIME. This is statistcally proven.
Here is a great article to back me up on this. Our welfare system is broken. We can fix it… by paying everybody
I would like to offer to stand as the Conservative candidate for Mayor of Bristol.
I have changed my name by deed poll and I already have a manifesto.
I believe in abolishing welfare and income tax by introducing an unconditional basic income guarantee for all adults, funded by the automated payment transaction tax and then letting true free market economics do the rest.
I think I would make the perfect candidate for The Conservative Party.
Mr Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving B’stard
Someone told me, they loved the irony, but I said “what irony? I reckon if they picked me they would probably win it, for being so honest”.
It really has been my lucky weekend as well, what with all the opportunities offered by the jubilee celebrations.
First there was the ‘Workfare’ Story about making the unemployed work for free, and letting them sleep in free accomadation too, under London Bridge.
“Britons never never never shall be slaves”. Ha-ha! Nice one! Now that’s what I really do call Irony!
It just shows how little we value human beings, that we accept them becoming simply material for exploitation.
It’s all about the money though isn’t it. Nobody seems to be that aware of the fact that “If the money disappears, print more. If the resources disappear, were fucked”
Mind you, I did join in with the true spirit of all the Jubilee Celebrations. Afterall, it was a great opportunity to make some money and raise some party funds……..by selling some ‘Knighthoods’
‘Cash for Honours’ anyone????????
Live Love Dream
Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving B'stard
You've Got To Just Love Those Tories.............Tuesday 29th May 2012
Oh my life, you've just got to love those Tories, don't you (!)
They seem to have been busting a gut to support my campaign for Mayor of Bristol. Ever since it looked liked they had scuppered it, by threatening to put up Jeremy Hunt, they haven't stopped trying to do everything possible to assist me.
Tory party sources say that Baroness Warsi has been involved in a "cock-up" over expenses. As Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving B'stard I admire her for her clever use of English, although, it's more generally known as "Being Caught"
Baroness Warsi said she takes full responsibility for the "oversight", but lets hope they pull all those benefit cheat adverts for a few weeks to let it all die down, last thing the old Baroness needs to hear right now is "No Ifs, No Buts, No Oversights"
As if all that hadn't helped me enough, then there was the Ginsters Pasty Party Funds scandel.
They've just given a £100,000 donation to Tory Party Funds, only days after a tax hike on hot food, that would give a very handy competitive edge to Mr Ginsters selling of cold pasties.
They didn't even have to bother turning up and having tea with Mr Cameron either and, they saved themselves £150,000 in the process. Nice one Mr Ginster (!)
The Lib Dems have also been keen to help out, what with the UKUncut street party outside Nick Cleggs house earlier in the week. Louise Mensch went on twitter to claim it was harrassment of Mr Cleggs family.
Which smacks of more "do as I say, not as I do" politics, considering that since her Parties weren't elected into Governement, they've continually made a point of harrassing the sick and the disabled.
Good on the Corrupt B'stards say I, and thanks for the support this week.
Finally I've adjusted my campaign slogan slightly. it now reads thus..............
£15,000 FREE MONEY TO EVERY ADULT IN BRISTOL EVERY YEAR. VOTE FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Live Love Dream
Oi! Legarde! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!................Friday 26th May 2012
There I was having a lovely Saturday morning Lie In with Mrs B’stard, but I just couldn’t resist having a look at the internet on me phone, only to read about the “wicked snow queens” latest outburst.
F**k off Lagarde. You psychopath. You can’t pay back money that never existed in the first place you knobhead.
You gave us invisible money. We spent it. Deal with it!
If Legarde really did mean it, when this spouted forth from her frozen wasteland of a mind - ” I think more of the little kids from a school in a little village in Niger who get teaching two hours a day, sharing one chair for three of them, and who are very keen to get an education. I have them in my mind all the time. Because I think they need even more help than the people in Athens.”
Boy would I love the chance to debate this issue with The Senile old Runt and her sidekicks live on tele. they know there is no argument against it.
So Come on Greece Seize the Moment, tell the IMF to go fuck itself, print your own currency, pay a Basic Income to all your citizens and fund it with APT tax. This Is Our Chance!!!!!!!!
Failing that, you can trust the Bristolians to do it for you all instead.
Talking about the Mayoral Election again, I see that I’m up against Jeremy Hunt for the Tory nomination. Don’t fancy my chances much though.
Live Love Dream
Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving B’stard
Tax The Ocean.........................Wednesday 23rd May 2012
So, IMF backs tax & interest rate cuts to dig UK out of recession. No! No no! How many more bloody times you imbeciles, Basic Income Guarantee and Automated Payment Transaction (APT) tax. For the love of God, or whatever else your philosophical beliefs are, or aren't, and I classify atheism as a belief, even if it is a belief in nothing, are they all just plain old simple or are they simply plain old evil?
Stupid nice people or stupid evil people, they're still bloody stupid!?$%&*!!!???*??!%?
It's not rocket science is it? and while we're at it, Money is not a resource that we dig out of the ground. Money is created out of thin air. It's ironic how our relentless pursuit of money, has led to the destruction of the resources that sustain our lives. The world is mad. We all are, we're insane.I wonder what the moment is going to be like when we all suddenly have that eureka moment, that "tah daaaah!!!" moment when we suddenly realise "what on earth have we been doing, what a bunch of dickheads we are (laughing hysterically) it's like watching a hungry man cut out his own lungs and eat them, just because he's hungry"
Oh well, ce la vie, non? after my last blog about the difficulty of engaging my fellow "B'stards", I have had some really good dialogues with some of them this week. A particularly good one on twitter about funding the Basic Income Guarantee with a local sales tax.
Great challenging questions, which made me think, hmmmm, maybe I'm talking shite. Mainly because it seems such large figures that need generating.
If 450,000 people in Bristol, recieve £15,000 a year, thats pretty much £7 Billion needs raising in tax. It won't be that much, obviously, because it's only the adults, over 18, who would recieve it, but let's take that figure for sake of argument. Seems impossible doesn't it, especially in this age of austerity, even if money is created out of thin air.
During my time away thinking about this one, yes I do go away and think about stuff, and yes I'm happy to be proved wrong, after all I'm just a simple fool, a Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving B'stard of a fool at that, so what do I know?
Anyway, while thinking about the gross turnover of the City of Bristol, I came across this little article on the Automated Payment Transaction (APT) tax. Well, actually I was given it by a professor of economics, but you don't need to know that.
Then I had a eureka moment. If theres enough money in the economy to pay an average wage of £26000 to every worker in the UK, then there's enough money in the economy, to raise enough revenue, via the APT Tax, to pay a basic income of £15000 to every adult.
For one, the Basic Income Guarantee is almost HALF!!!!! the average wage in this country.
For two, Income tax (which raises alot of the tax revenue for the entire Government) is only chargeable at around 20% on that average wage of £26,000, which in my book is £5200 in income tax per worker on average, in fact less than that when you take into account the tax free allowance each worker currently gets.
Whereas the APT Tax is chargable on all the money swilling around the economy, of which only a small fraction is paid in wages.
In other words, rather than income tax the stream and fight over scraps, APT Tax the Ocean and feed the entire world.
Live Love Dream
Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving B'stard
Live and Learn by Listening...........Friday 18th May 2012
Well, I was wrong about the media interest dying down, because yesterday I filmed a segment for the BBC “Sunday Politics” show.
The best thing about doing these “political” campaigns, or any activity, I find is, the learning process. I learned an incredible amount doing “mr zero none of the above” in 2010 and yesterday was the same.
The first thing I learned is, stop taking it, and myself especially, all too seriously. I am not a politician, I don’t profess to have all the answers, and I do profess to have alot of questions myself.
I believe that life is for living, that none of us knows how much time we have, that for all we know, we are only born the once and I definitely don’t want to have any regrets, on my deathbed, about things I wish I had tried or I had not done. Of course, it is not my intention to hurt anyone else in the process either, and I don’t believe that what I’m doing by running for Mayor is hurting anyone. Anyway I digress, and digressing makes a long blog and a long blog doesnt get read, so I’ll cut to the chase.
I’m happy to be seen as the joke candidate, but I’m also happy to engage in dialogue with people about what I’m doing, how they feel about it and the “money” issue.
Yesterday, while filming, I got talking to one man, who said what I was doing was pointless, because the money I was going to print would be worthless, it would be like monopoly money.
I tried to get a conversation going about “why my money would be worthless, whereas stirling was worth something i.e whats the difference between them”. His argument being that stirling was worth something because people/shops accepted it, whereas the bristol pound would be worthless because people/shops wouldn’t accept it. My counter argument was that my bristol pound would be worth something if the people of bristol decided to accept it, which of course it would, but he kept countering that they wouldnt accept it, because shops wouldnt accept it, so they couldnt exchange it for anything etc etc etc.
To be honest, my lack of ability to explain myself, meant he made me look a bit of a dick, and it was being filmed. However, thats my problem, not his. Maybe he had succeeded in blowing my argument out of the water.
I toyed with dropping the “printing bristol pounds” part of my manifesto pledge, and just concentrate on the “basic income guarantee” part, which I’m very confident that I can explain to everyone. Then I decided that I would add something to my manifesto instead.
I will now make sure that “The Bank Of Bristol” will accept and exchange “The Bristol Pound” for “£UK Pounds” on a £1UK Pound =£1 Bristol Pound exchange rate.
To be honest I wasn’t completely happy with this, because it feels like its just using the £1UK Pound covered with a dust jacket, but it would get people using the bristol pound, so it would be a start.
Obviously if everyone in bristol just came straight to the “Bank Of Bristol” to exchange their £15000 Bristol Pounds “basic income guarantee” for £15000 UK pounds, there wouldn’t be enough money to pay them, just like if everyone tried to withdraw their £UK Pounds from their current Bank, there wouldn’t be enough there either. Apparently, Only 3% of the money we all have in our accounts exists, the rest is just made up, at least thats what I heard Eric Cantona say once, correct me if he’s wrong.
Then to my amazement, I read this story today, that there is a town in Ireland, Clones, where shopkeepers have decided to start accepting the now “defunct” Punt. They have decided to give a worthless currency value, and they have done it, just by deciding that they will accept it. They have done exactly what I was trying to tell the fella yesterday that we could all decide to do. What amazing syncronicitous timing that is. Something must like me after all huh.
The second thing wasn’t necessarily something that I learned as a lesson, it was just something I enjoyed experiencing.
They tried to film me talking to a customer in the cafe. They wanted to know if she voted in the referendum, if she would vote for me, if she trusted politicians.
She was an older lady, I would say in her 60′s possbly 70′s. She said the referendum was the first time she had never used her vote. The reason was that she wasn’t sure if she wanted a mayor or not, she didn’t have enough information to make a decision. She then said she wouldn’t vote for me because she didn’t know what I stood for. (At this point, the reporter really wanted the lady’s opinion about whether she trusted polticians, so I didnt tell her what my manifesto promises were, but she could see my poster, and she knew about the name change)
The lady then went on to say how she trusted Tony Blair when he was first elected “but then he went on to start that awful war, and I thought what is he thinking, its cost so many lives and still is” and she got quite emotional, then stopped and appologised for getting so “deep” then carried on with a pretty heartfelt account of why she didn’t trust politicians, then again apologised for getting so deep.
Finally, and this is the bit that was amazing to see, after the camera was switched off, she suddenly lit up, looked like she had had an epithany and said, face full of glee and delight, “mind you, wouldn’t it be great if he did get in, what a message that would send them all”. She meant me and she had obviously got it. Made my day that did, made my day.
Sorry for the long blog, well done on making it to the end.
That’ss all for now
Live Love Dream
Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving B’stard
Here We Go Then, Ding Ding Round One!!!........May 13th 2012
Wow, one week in and already a bit gobsmacked by the positive response to my mayoral bid, but, then again, I suppose free money is a bit of a nailed on vote winner.
Nice to get a bit a press coverage, especially the very fair and well balanced article in the Bristol Evening Post by Ian Onions, which led to countless other media picking up on the story. Daily Mirror, Daily Star, Independant and Fox News, to name (drop) but a few.
Under no illusuions though, I learned from my "Zero None of The Above" General Election 2010 campaign that I can expect to be ignored by the mainstream media from now on.
No worries though, because I also learned, from that last campaign that "door stepping" is my real weapon, and I have 6 months to do that, with a rapidly developing army of supporters to back me up.
I wont be taking it all too seriously this time either.
Already had some great conversations about "Local Currency" and my big favourite "the Basic Income Guarantee"
I am committed to campaigning on the single issue of printing a local currency "The Bristol Pound" and giving £15000 a year in Unconditional Basic Income Guarantee to every resident of Bristol, whether they are working, non working or retired, and don't want to confuse the issue by introducing additional manifesto promises, but if I did, there are a few things that have come up in conversation, that I recommend the other candidates to consider commiting to.
1. Abolish schools fines for non attendance at school. Since when has any business fined its customers for rejecting its product?
2. Quadrupple rates on empty buildings, to entice landlords to get them occupied by any means possible. Squatters, the homeless and creative collecticves to be acknowledged as occupying a building ;-)
Mind you, having said all that I have come up with an addition to my £15000 Basic Income Guarantee Pledge. I propose that All Council Tax bills and All housing benefit payments are only payable in Bristol Pounds. This all ties in with the original £15000 Bristol Pounds Basic Income Guarantee pledge, and of course housing benefit becomes redundant anyway, once a basic income guarantee is in place, but as a short term transition measure, this is the equivalent of the gold standard backing stirling, although of course stirling is no longer backed up by the gold standard. whisper it quietly, but stirling isnt actually worth anything at all.
Only other news to report, is that tonight I lifted my legs up, lighting a fart stylie and let a fantastic barppppppp fly, then had the pleasure of watching my 18 month old daughter, attempting the lift my legs in the air, to make me do it again, comedy gold, politics takes a very distant second to having a family and kids. No contest at all
Live Love Laff
There now foollows an election broadcast on behalf of Corrupt B'stard......May 10th 2012
B'stard Son of Zero...........May 9th 2012
Press Release: For immediate release
Elect "Mr Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving B'stard" For Bristol Mayor 2012
"My Promise: Free Money For Everyone"
Cafe worker, SGI-UK Buddhist and fool Eric Mutch has announced his intention to change his name by deed poll to "Mr Corrupt Self Serving Lying Thieving B'stard" and stand as a candidate in the forthcoming election, for Mayor of Bristol on 15 November 2012, under the campaign slogan "My Promise: Free Money For Everyone"
When asked, why he is doing it, the future Corrupt B'stard said "to save paper, this way they'll only need one name on the ballot"
When asked if he thinks he will win he replied, "well if I don't then some other corrupt, self serving, lying, thieving b'stard will"
He says he chose the campaign slogan "My Promise: Free Money For Everyone" because he has a single manifesto pledge. He will print a local currency, "The Bristol Pound" and pay an annual Unconditional Basic Income Guarantee to all Bristol residents of £15000 Bristol Pounds a year, index linked to inflation.
This annual Unconditional Basic Income Guarantee will be paid to all residents of Bristol regardless of whether they are working, non working or retired.
He will fund the Unconditional Basic Income Guarantee with a local sales tax on all "Bristol Pound" transactions , and there's also the £1billion funding pot, that now only Bristol can apply for, seeing as we're the only city who said yes!!
Corrupt B'stard believes that politics is a vocation and not a career and therefore, will also, only accept a wage, while in office, of the national average income of £489 a week. In bristol pounds of course.
for more information on "The Bristol Pound"
for more information on "The Basic Income Guarantee"
Zero Returns...........Monday 21st March 2011
it will look like this on the ballot paper and will be at the bottom because the surname begins with a 'Y'
you vote for none of the above
X here if you vote for none of the above
you could even change your name to
mr "you vote against the cuts"
mr "you vote against the war"
what do you reckon?
anyone up for it?
Electric Nightmare........Thursday 17th March 2011
yippee, got my new "electric bike" today, and have ended up pushing it around for 4 freakin hours (!!!!!!!!)
walked to a meeting with my mate, because he didnt have a car, or a bike, which took about an hour, then when i left the meeting, i discovered a puncture, with a suspiciously placed drawing pin, and had to walk home to mine, which took another 2 hours!!!!
the other hour is an exageration, because i'm feeling sorry for myself.............
today i tried to fix the puncture, only to find the inner tube has about 12 of them, so thats another 40 odd quid no doubt, because its on the back wheel and theres no way i'm attempting to take the back wheel off, so i'll need to go to a repair shop
not having a good day , bloody full moon's got alot to answer for(!)
the fool x
Musing...............Wednesday 16th March 2011
right time to get this blog up and running properly.
Have been a bit lapse recently, but things are starting to move now, so here goes.
Quick update.................I have my venue booked. I got into espionage, which I really wanted, but its the early slot again, 12 noon, and its mata hari, whereas I wanted Pravda. Mind you Imran Yussuf did Mata Hari last year so hopefully that's an omen.
Still working on the format of the show, which involves a lot of sitting around, playing with my daughter, while letting ideas, concepts and muses just bubble away, in other words, a lot of doing nothing, which is just the way a fool should do it. The world would be a much happier place if we all did a lot more nothing, all had a lot more empty space time, with which to sit around and muse.
Thats what I would do if I was given the unconditional universal basic income, I would spend more time doing nothing and musing, some of the best ideas and inventions have come from sitting around and musing.
I have been invited to take “the green people” to a UK UNCUT protest next thursday, but I've got a Buddhist discussion meeting that night so can't go. Pity though cos it may have created some decent material. Not that I'm after scripted material obviously, with it being an unscripted show, but its good to get into the process of absorbing all the stories people have around money, and the “cuts” are bound to be a strong theme for a lot of my audience.
Am heavily into “open space” meetings at the moment, and went to my second one in a week last sunday. It was on “how do we make dance better in bristol?”, but I was there more for the experience of taking part.
best thing to come out of it was having a heated debate with someone about the "insanity" of "dead space".
"dead space" is space that is empty and therefore unused, in prepatation for a future event later that day i.e theatre spaces, cinemas, comedy clubs and art conplexes (like the one this open space took part in!!)
I argued that the fact that the owners of these "dead spaces" would not allow people to use the "dead space" rent free, was insanity, whereas other people thought it was sane but unjust.
my arse it's unjust, its like peeing and pooing into our own water supply, when if we do it in the garden, we can grow a tree out of it, its not unjust, its insane(!!!)
don't give it to me, leave it empty= no money for the owner and no free rehearsal space for me = we both lose
give it to me rent free = no money for the owner but free rehearsal space for me = someone wins
anyway, I am toying with the idea of incorporating “open space” into my show somehow, but due to the nature of open space, I may have to do it as a separate event, maybe in that big park by the railway line
it may be a better idea to get the audience to participate in the “money game”, where people bring an amount of money they are prepared to lose, and then proceed to ask for, take and give away other peoples money and their own, at various stages of the game. Although playing a giant version of “the money game” in the park would be even better.
Its great having so many threads to follow, but it could mean playing all day, what with the free fringe show, then the open space/money game in the park, as well as the street show giving away any profit I make from donations..................but it could be great fun too
right I'm off to do a bit more nothing
the fool x
ps I havent exactly been doing nothing entirely, cos I have set up the video blog on you tube, worked out how to upload photos and links directly to twitter and linked anything posted on twitter to go to my facebook page. This means I can upload video, photos and real time tweets, all from my phone, in a simple “one call does it all, minimum effort: maximum reward” type exercise, which means the "money giveaway street show" can now go multi media worldwide......................in case I am the next Imran ;-)
Basic Income Guarantee.........Friday 11th February 2011
"The Basic Income Guarantee is an unconditional, government-insured guarantee that all citizens will have enough income to meet their basic needs."
hello again, long time huh (!)
short but sweet update.
lots has happened, loving baby etc but yesterday i went to an open space event, and got insired.
the show will now be called "Eric Mutch - Money" and its the begining of my campaign to get a Basic Income Guarantee in place in the uk within the next 3 years
here a longer video in german, but with english subtitles............watch and be transformed
Eric The Fool
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Luci............Monday 18th October 2010
those of an "anti sickly sugar sweet" disposition look away now.............because i need to get it out of my system, and i need to set it down on record for luci to read for the rest of her life
you are amazing, you have only been on the planet less than 24 hours, but already i would die for you.
i aspire to be the perfect parent, the pioneer daddy and to give you all the support and guidance that is humanly possible, along the way
but no doubt there will be times where i will fail you, because i am only human, with my own faults and weaknesses, but i want you to know what i believe in my heart, and that i will strain every sinnue in my body, in an attempt to live up to my beliefs.
first and foremost, before anything else, " i love you and all i want for you, is that you are happy".
what you choose to do with your life, is entirely upto you
you may make choices that i wouldnt make, do things i wouldnt do, say things i wouldnt say.
hell, you may even become a coke addicted, tory vice chancellor of the exchequer for all i know, but i do not care, as long as you are happy, thats all that matters.
its your life, and you have the right to do with it as you wish, never let anyone, ever, tell you any different.
they can tell you how they live theirs, they can tell you how they think you "should" live yours, thats their right, but thats all it is, its their right and its their opinion, but you do not have to make it your own, no one can tell you what to do
of course i have my own ideas of what will lead you to happiness
i hope that you will be kind, considerate, compassionate and that you will never attempt to hurt anyone else
but i am going to trust my instinct that if you are truely happy, the above will be a natural effect of being happy
so luci "find happiness,whatever that means to you and be happy"
luci you are amazing, we all are, welcome to the playground.
i hope you will not take it all too seriously
i hope and pray that you are absolutely happy no matter what, and i will do all in my power to make sure that is the case
thank you for coming into my life
ok sugarness over...................for now (!)
fuck me!!!! childbirth!!! mindblowing and awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how many people have told me " its amazing" "youll feel feelings you didnt think posible" "its the most awesome feeling in the world, a feeling only a parent could know" etc etc etc.............
well its all a freaking (just in case the lilly police are reading) understatement
nothing can prepare anyone, for the surreal act of, a head appearing out of a fanny (!)
my mind knows where she came from, i felt her in the belly for the last 6 months, yet nothing, absolutely nothing, has ever, or will ever, make me feel like im in a salvadore dali painting, more, than a head appearing out of a fanny, derren brown would kill for a flourish like that...........seriously (!!!!!!)
its a fucking awesome feeling and a picture that will stay with me til the day i die
along side the beaming smile, and look of utter surprise and absolute amazement on sammy's face when luci was placed in her arms for the first time.......................fuck me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry lilly)
sammy sammy sammy, you were awesome, wonderful, beautiful, i love you..............................
cant get over the love its possible to feel for another human being.......................and i know people told me that before, but words just cant do it justice
and to think that everyone on the planet is someones child............................
ok thats enough, sleep deprived ecstacy for now
next comes the sleepless nights, the tantrums, the arguments........................
but at this moment in time......................i dont ever want to sleep again (!)
luci i miss you tonight, as you stay in the hospital with mummy, and i cant wait to see you tomorrow
and mummy i miss you too
oh and luci, you are a very lucky girl, cos you have the most amazing sister you could ever wish to meet..............but be a bit careful, and dont let her drive you anywhere, because shes "got eyes like a bat"
daddy fool, daddy fool, fool daddy, fool
Funding Application...................Sunday 12th September 2010
Apology To Lilly from the real "Mr Hyde"............Wednesday 8th September 2010
A date with history.................................Sunday 5th September 2010
what a great day to start my new quest
27 years ago today I started my first post school job..........as a civil servant/trainee chartered surveyor (!)
got the sack 2 years later mind (!)
so what a great day to start my new journey........................to the edinburgh fringe festival 2011
I already have the new show title and description, but this may well change as time goes on, if past experience is anything to go by
my first decision is whether the spell the title as "schizophrene" or "skitzofreen"
other possible titles include "eric's world" "fooligan" and "impestuous old fool", but after this years exploits I really like turning around the whole "im not good enough","sorry you probably think im mad" stuff into a celebration instead.................hence "schizophrene"
maybe it will become a double act with queenie............we could call it "schiz's n queen" (!)
also am considering putting Mr Hyde on the front page of the website, but as im planning funding all this by becoming a kids party entertainer, it may not be the best marketing strategy to have a "100 F word tirade" to welcome all those potential birthday bookers.
but we'll see
The fool xxxxx
PREVIOUS FOOLS CAMPAIGN......AUGUST 2010
The Fools Are Off To The Edinburgh Festival 2010
Two Fools..........One Stage.........Zero Script
A completely unscripted, improvised and spontaneous set of shows, and all the profits each day will be given to a random member of that days audience
Wanna know what happens?
You can also Become a fan of "the fools free theatre show" on Facebook
You can also follow "the Fools" on twitter
You can review the show here
You can read a copy of our full press release here
You can contact us on facebook here
Or you can just "chill out" to this beautiful song............its my song for edinburgh x
game over...........Monday 30th August 2010
well its all over and im home in bristol
what an adventure!!!!!!
got a bit overtired for the last week, because i took on a second show in the evening helping techie for "the two bloody queens"
it was an enjoyable thing to do, and robert was a lovely bloke, but it meant i got over tired and havent kept up with all this internet stuff
i had my one and only "bad show" in my eyes (i know that to my audiences there may have been many bad shows, but to me there was only this one) and it shook my confidence a bit with about 5 days to go
i had many lovely second shows on the street writing "a fool and his money are easily parted, but a wise fool gives all his money away....help yourself" and then putting all the money from the shows in a chalk circle and watching peoples reactions
one show lasted 90 minutes, before a sum total of £6.20 disappeared, mind you a £10 note disappeared into a 13 year old girls pocket in 7 minutes the following day (!)
yesterday got rid of two deck chairs the same way too (!)
so thats it, the end, although am sorely tempted to head off for the amsterdam fringe in 2 days time, and already know of fringes in new york, chicago, adelaide, melbourne..........................hence i didnt climb "adam smiths" statue again, in my underpants, cos they wont let me into america with a crimanal record (!)
so now, for any fools in my audience, and for my own records, i will give my feedback and "more ofs" that i learned from this adventure
i would like a bigger stage. there was not alot of room for "being" and this was part of the reason that i kept sinking into "commentation" and story telling.
this is what led to the "anxiously placed between the two" comment from the reviewer i think.
i want to go more into "being" and "playing the masks" that are named in the "commentated stories".
this would take the stories more into drama, and therefore more into "comedy" or "tragedy"
i want to "play and explore" more of the masks in any one story
for instance, i already named "impulse to do something really nice", "its all for ego" and "i cant afford it" as masks in the story where i gave the puppet to the girl who fell from her bike, but i could have played them even more, and "embellished" them as well
there were also opportunities to do this with the "david cameron being worth £40million" story too, but i only told the story as a one sided opinion (which led to the bad show), whereas i could have "explored" this more too
i want more of the personal dramas there and then.
i told many "commentations" of how i wasnt sure the audience would like or get what i was doing, but with more confidence i would have played the masks of "im a jester but im not funny" etc instead
once daniella had gone, i stopped having regular circles to name masks and stories at the begining of the day and begining of the shows, and i also got so busy i wasnt watching playback of that days show, so wasnt getting any feedback.
i want more feedback and more circles in future
the most regular feedback i got from an audience was that i was engaging, warm and made good contact with the audience, so that was nice
i give myself permission to be more "unpredictable" and funnily enough "more mad"
why oh why didnt i chase after people who "walked out of my shows" ?
i give myself more permision to play the "trickster" as well, i give myself permission to tell more lies.
next time i will run around the statue "chaplinesque" being chased by security, even if if didnt actually happen (!)
the biggest learning, was going from appologising, in case the audience felt threatened in the presense of a "nutter who is speaking to himself on stage", to proudly announcing that the audience "is in the presense of a nutter who is speaking to himself on stage, hense the teeshirt 'you're just jealous cause the little voices are talking to me'"
have thought that the title to my next show, and possibly a book too, is going to be "10 foolish ways to change the world"
including "walking penniless to india", "giving my wages away on a weekly basis", "standing for parliament as zero none of the above", "writing uplifting messages on £5 notes" and "the chalk revolution"
but i like
"Eric's World: You're Just Jealous Cause The Little Voices Are Talking To Me"..................A public nuisance, with no script, authentically random, sometimes comic, sometimes tragic, sometimes anxiously placed between the two, like witnessing a schizophrenic version of Phil Kay
and a F**King big picture of me in fool costume on the poster
Can't wait (!!!!!!!!!)
ps for any buddhists reading this, i also did more shakubuku than i have ever done before, and Toda was dead right...........it works!!!!!! ;-)
More Arrests................Tuesday 24th August 2010
well not really, but i had better watch out as i could be the boy who cried wolf................
was stopped and questioned twice on walk home to the campsite tonight, mind you its always increasing the likelihood of a police person coming and watching the show by the end of the run eh (!)
felt like a functional show, no great laughs like yesterday, but the 2 blokes who were there from the begining seemed to smile alot and left £6.20 between them, plus 4 other people walked in too.
they also said others want to come but get put off because the pub wont let them in til 12 noon.
added to that, the licensing laws mean no serving alcohol to under 18's not baring them from entering the premises. so they shouldn't really be turning away those looking under 18 (even when they are obviously not....like yesterday!!!!)
its a decent venue in many ways, but this turning away young people and not opening til 12 noon (12.30 on sundays!!!!) is affecting turnout me thinks.............
getting more and more confident with the shows, although todays was not my best, gutted to have only 5 left ;-(
saw queen robert do his open mic stand up slot. very confident, held their attention, not loads of laughs, but it will come, it may be its going to be better for him and for me, if it becomes a double act. at times he needed me throwing bits in for him to react to. hope we can get another slot, and if not maybe ill use my last gig at the jekyll to do a double act
thats unless i decide to do the "naked finale" there, and then march in my undies to the mark smith statue and see if i can climb it. mond you i dont want to be properly arrested, because i still have visions of touring america, and i wont be able to get in if i have a criminal record :-/
wrote "a fool and his money are easily parted, but a wise fool gives all his money away help yourself" in chalk on the royal mile and then put the £6.20 on the floor
it took 1 hour and 15 minutes for the £6.20 to be taken
nobody took the whole lot though, the most any one person took was £2
got lots of people looking at it, and asking questions.
a performer took the whole lot after about 15 minutes, but he replaced it with a flyer for his show.
i called over to him to take the flyer back, but said nothing about the money, however he brought it all back and put it in the circle again......i think he thought it was a stunt to publisise my show
probably thought he was shocking me by taking the money in the first place LOL
it took 30 minutes for the first £2 to really go. it was taken by a girl of about 12/13 and even then she brought it back the first time
soon after two other seperate people took £1 each (notice nobody takes it all in one fell swoop)
then i explained to a group of 3 lads why i was doing it, all about positive capitalism and that if all the major corporations and companies, all over the world, declared today, that from now on, they would donate all their net profits to fund fun, fed the hungry, house the homeless, and provide first class health care for all, we would automatically transform our world overnight.
yet still one lad couldnt take the final £1.20, the agony in his face was astounding.
its amazing the dramas it brings up for people
then another one of the lads took the final £1, only to bring it back 3 minutes later, and add another £1 of his own to the pot
so now we have £2 again
£1 quickly goes to someone who has been watching the whole thing, but when i say "why not take the other pound too", he says he wants to watch and see how long it takes for it to go
in the end the lad who put down the extra £1 takes it back again. he tells me i have made him think, but now he disagrees with me again, he thinks people are basically selfish and that the world is overpopulated and therefore he needs to look after himself, so he is taking his money back..............
i ask him the question from the other day "do you think there are more good people or more bad people in the world?"
again hes intrigued, we end up agreeing that all people have the potential to be good or bad, and he thinks were more likely to be good in groups and bad when solo, to which i say that this shows if the media started reporting the good stuff, it would affect the group mentality..............
very very interesting hour i cam tell you
3 girls who were part of the festival cleaning team asked if someone took the money, and i explain to them yes and why.
not sure they were that interested in the why, but they did ask, and i think it has stimulated some conversations in edinburgh tonight..........which i like ;-)
then i was approached by a man in the supermarket, asking if i needed his "all day bus ticket" (life is magic!!) but i have a bus pass already, so i took it and asked other people at the bus stop if they could use it. when nobody wanted it i bluetacked it to the bus stop
finally i was stopped and questioned not once but twice by the police on my walk back to h campsite ;-)
made all the more funnier by the fact i was on the phone to sammy at the time, and she heard both conversations, which always follow the same pattern
"are you in a show?"
the powers of the local police observations never fail to astound me................theres a festival on and im dressed as a jester.........and they still feel the need to ask
makes you wonder how they catch any criminals
i would probably need a bag with "swag" writen on it, and be wearing a black and white hooped jersey, and they would still ask "are you a robber?"
actually that bit seems anti police, but i sympathise with them. i sympathise with the protesters too, but i disagree with their methods..............the only way to persuade people to change their habits is to get them on side, make friends with them, not antagonise them, and from that point enter into dialogue
well thats my belief anyway
anyway time to chant so bye and..................
"Mr Hyde" (Warning every second word is F**K!!)....Monday 23rd August 2010
Please don't watch if you're allergic to swearing, offended by swearing, or if swearing is illegal in your country
or if you were in "On This Island" ;-)
Fantastic Day...........Monday 23rd August 2010
wow!! what a day!!!!
did my show to 5 people, plus 4 who walked in after 10 minutes, and left after 30, but only cos they had to catch a plane, and they really enjoyed it too.
another 2 girls were turned away!!!!!!!!
they were obviously over 18, i reckon they were at least 22, but no ID, and the strict licensing laws mean the bar staff cant take any chances........but i am gutted for me, and even more so for them, as i didnt even get chance to say sorry, i just thought they had decided against it, until members of my audience said that they had been turned away :-(
the two women in my audience were crying with laughter almost all the way through.
no idea if it was with me, or at me, but its obviously wasnt malicious, so i dont care, i am just glad they enjoyed themselves
i think my last two shows have been my best, purely because i have dropped my inhibitions and my apologies for not deserving to be there, or for being wierd, and am just going for it and unashamedly enjoying myself and what i do, and as sammy texted me this morning "do that and if anyone else enjoys it, thats a bonus", which i read out to the audience as well (!)
i so so so love working with him, its effortless, its fun, its making alot of people smile
hes finally got an open mic slot tomorrow, and even better, i will be the fool in his show on wednesday
but even better will be, if we can get a slot at "espionage" some time this week, to do a double act, i would kill for a slot there, but until that happens we'll continue to do it on the mile, and love it too.....
it was Fantastic........absolutely!!!!
they were so chuffed that i turned up, and the teachers and director and parents kept telling me too, but it was an absolute privilage, it really was, and on top of that they were an amazing bunch too, a real credit to themselves and their generation
pity the show has only one more day, but if youre reading this and youre in edinburgh you simply must go tomorrow
then walked home in the rain, had an umbrella, didnt use it, didnt need it, happy to sing in the rain ;-)
a bloke in a white BMW pulled up and asked if he could have a photo as well, said he loved the costume and told me to "keep it real"
finally i was arrested for the third time........well i was stopped and questioned by two police near the airport as i walked back to the festival village....................does that count?
took details and this time wanted proof of ID too
all went well, and my endearing moment is hearing the one who took my passport repeatedly saying down his walkie talkie " hes dressed as a jester.........................(pause)........a jester, hes dressed as a jester.....(pause)......jester...........a jester.....(pause)............yes hes dressed as a jester....................
can't remeber how many police have asked if im doing a show, but wouldnt it be ace if at least one of them turned up to watch by the end of the week ;-)
what a fantastic day, and ive even ben able to upload a video to you tube, of me doing my "pre show" 30 minutes before the audience arrive for the show......in a very very bad mood, with practically every second word being "F**K" but i like it, because its the first time "Mr Hyde" turned up on this run........i just hope those " On This Island" Kids dont watch it, or if they do, i hope their teachers and parents dont, because it will sully my image.....................terribly
mind you "its only a melodrama, dont take the masks or stories too seriously eh (!)
eric the fool xxxxxxx
A Week Ahead Of Schedule........Sunday 22nd August 2010
bingo!!!! i have finally got through my "I am not worthy, my show is not worthy, nobody would want to see this, i dont belong etc etc etc......mask"
I am now doing shows i feel proud to call "fools shows" and if i am the only person who likes them then so be it, theres not a lot i can do about that is there.
So i have achieved my quest for edinburgh a week ahead of schedule
I have had a "Mr Hyde" mask appear this last few days to counteract the "Mr Jekyll Innocent Fool" mask i have found myself in pretty much all the run.
and Mr Hyde has far more self confidence than Mr Jekyll
had a lovely conversation on the bus with a reviewer who is staying at my campsite, but my mood was changed dramatically, yet a bloody gain, by the fringe festival staff (the ones i paid £290 to be in their programme!!!!!) who moved me on from the "half price hut" because i was causing an obstruction. its now illegal to lie on the floor, even when the freaking place is deserted!!!!!!!!!!
knobs, knobs and effing knobs. I really must get more commercial and toe the commercial line more, and stop caring so much about being real and having real fun, far better to go all "dt dt durdle urdle dt dt durdle" at the designated royal mile (mind you they even hassled me there and got me arrested for climbing that statue didnt they (!))
chant to deeply respect them eric, chant to deeply respect them
played today's show to a fellow performer who claimed he was a vietnamese spy.
he said it was interesting and different, in a " but a bit rubbish" kind of way, but i loved it
i am really starting to find my feet, naming characters as jekyll and hyde, being far less worried about the audience feeling uncomfortable being there (afterall they can leave if they wish..............and frequently do (!!!!))
i dont mean "the audience feeling uncomfortable" as in abusing them, i mean in an embarassed uncomfortable way
i have turned it round so much that instead of appologising in case they think "its just a shczitsophrenic talking to himself on stage" i am actually going to point to my teeshirt at the start of the show and proudly announce that "youre just jeolous because the little voices are talking to me"
met queen robert on the mile again today, that was alot of fun, we work really well together, theres no pressure, just banter.
one woman even told me i was entertaining her, just by doing nothing.......................yesssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!
its the closest i have come to a totally relaxed, same wavelength comedy duo. its a pleasure, a real pleasure, and he is funny as fu**, especially when he is just himself.
if he takes my advice and does more as himself, but dressed as elizabeth 1st, he is going to be a big star, better than lilly savage and alan carr combined
then i spent the afternoon watchin united throw away 2 points in a very "wine bar esk" pub, felt totally out of place, but needed to stay there, because i was taking part in an interactive game show, and people had clues where to find me
got them to sing "eric mutchs nuts" and "happy birthday plus 1" but wish id asked them to ask 5 random strangers "do you think there are more good people or more bad people in the world?" before i gave them the password
never mind..........next time
so feeling gutted about the football, gutted about only having a week left, gutted about only having one show a day, excited about Japan, Adelaide and Melbourne
the fool xxxx
And Then There Was One......Friday 20th August 2010
one show that is because "jonathan" has turned up at last, and thanked me for "standing in" for him as well
was just starting to get to the point of "this is what i do" and feeling like playing "real" fools shows.........and then i lose a venue
its the one opposite the delicious "Beetlejuice" cafe too, but i will keep going there anyway, because that cafe is one of the highlights of my day
i feel a "devil king" "nasty" mask starting to arrive on my stage to counteract my lovely "innocent fool" mask that ive been in pretty much since getting here...............so the last 9 shows at the jekyll could actually be something special
the high point of my day was when a paramedic on a bike stopped me and asked if i was the guy who gave the puppet the other day
it was the same paramedic who was treating the girl, who had been knocked off her bike, and he said it was the best part of the festival for him, and that it was the most amazing "Random Act Of Kindness" he had ever witnessed.
he has even writen an article about it on his web site
i felt so good.
i felt like i had met a kindred spirit, rather than what sometimes feels like a rat race of performers and a rabid gaggle of commercial consumers
i could have cried and punched out a fair few times today, as people walked over, and walked on, my flyers as they were on the ground in front of where i was sitting....its nothing short of rudeness , and it really gets to me, its as if im invisible.....................tossers (!!!!!)
hmmmmm!!!! mr angry has arrived at last.......i look forward to seeing him on stage, sometime in the near future (!)
spent most of the day in the company of "queen robert" of "two bloody queens"...........funny funny man, especially when he drops the act and in his very acerbic manner, moans and complains about his day
i may become the fool for his show, and i hope i do, because i can see a great potential
we seemed to get on and play well together too. i seemed to slot into playing his/her life coach and he/she gets on with being a drama queen
be interesting to see what happens
still gutted to lose my show to jonathan though!
but have doubled the D's for the last 3 days, so its all exactly right for my life
and i think the emerging "Mr Hyde" in me, may well be a welcome addition to my fools shows at the jekyll, just in time for the final week
heres hoping......nah boll**ks to that......................heres to deciding it will
eric the fool xxx
Paul the Sweep............Also Wednesday 18th August 2010
i didnt think chimney sweeps still existed, but they do, and here he is.
his name is Paul and a finer gentleman i could not wish to meet.
met him after the show this afternoon, couldnt believe my eyes, thought i had gone back in time to dickensian era
Clip from "Eric Mutch's Nuts"............Wednesday 18th August 2010
hope you enjoy it half as much as i did making it
"Carbon Footprint Free Flyering"..........Tuesday 17th August 2010
oh yeah one extra story...............
someone has already rubbed out the "hope" i chalked yesterday..........
so some one in edinburgh is stealing all the hope...but who????????
hope you enjoy the video update
Mutch Love xxx
The Paramedic Fool............Sunday 15th August 2010
oh what a lovely day
had 13 hours sleep (at last!!) woke up at 7, spent ages writing an email telling the promoter about my bad review (because i like to be honest and anyway to me it was quite a good one, and its given me stuff to play with in the show) only for yahoo to keep telling me "there is a problem" asking me to fill in a capta form, then not sending it anyway, then when i click on "back" it deletes the bloody thing??!!?!
never realised why they called it yahoo before
"ive just spent 3 hours writing a very very important email, and its gone and deleted the whole bloody thing..........yahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! im so fu**ing happy (!)"
great start to the day that was
did the first show outside, to two older people. to them it was just a chat, but i knew it was a show
at the end i asked if i could video them a bit and they said yes, and i ended up with a cool conversation about how she wasnt allowed to vote in this years general election (even though she has voted for the last 40 years!!!) because she had a french passport...................interesting!!!!!!
then on the way to the second show, i came across a paramedic treating a girl in who had been knocked off her bike in the middle of a very busy road.
i thought she obviously needs cheering up, otherwise shes going to have a very bad day, so i decided i would like to give her my puppet.
i had a bit of a drama of course "was i doing it for ego?" "was i doing it in case she thought 'how nice, do you have a show ( i was dressed as a fool at the time) id like to come and see it?'" and i bet in a way i was, but i also knew "i was doing it because it was the right thing to do, and more importantly i wanted to"
as i crossed the road to give it to her i saw she was even worse than i had first thought.
i said "youve obviously had a bad start to you day, and id like to give you this"
her face said it all, and the paramedic said "you should be one of us, you know exactly what to do" (thatll be going on a flyer that will)
as i walked off i looked back and saw she had put the puppet on her left hand and was mouthing away with the puppet....................that made me smile too
loads more happened, including 10 people for the show (i told them the review i got in the bar...............and they still came in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
then i went and printed the review to staple to my flyer
i printed 10 sheets with 9 reviews on each at 15p a sheet, only to find out once id done it, that photcopies were only 7p each, so i could have printed 1 sheet and photocopied the rest and saved money (very important seeing as its cost me about £1200 so far)
to appease my inner accountant i then photocopied another 10 sheets
only to discover, when i went to pay, that i had put the show title, the venue, the venue number, the venue address, the price (FREE!!!!) and the review quotes, BUT NOT THE BLOODY SHOWTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i now have 180 new flyers with no showtime..sometimes i wonder if, rather than fool, IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is not a better description, i really do (!)
so its all going swimmingly and i love it
ps daniella leaves tonight, so i would like t offer FREE accomodation to anyone wanting to play the role of cameraman, as we make a foolish film of this whole foolish adventure
A Ghost Is Exorcised...........Friday 13th August 2010
well thats another day of extremes, and maybe that sums me up perfectly (!)
i recorded a video diary that said it all and i was very happy with, only for the upload to freeze with 13% to go, and it froze when i opened another webpage..........with our first review
so to sum up yesterday, i had 2 good shows, 8 people in the audience for the first show, donating £6 and then 5 people in the second show donating £10.52
exorcised my statue ghost, by standing underneath it and throwing the £6 down (rather than up because i didnt want to take someones eye out!) shouting "help yourself" and marching off.
adam smith is not the only economist, i am too (!!!!)
although when when i got to the statue. there was a nubile scantilly clad 18 year old sitting where i had sat, but no security guard in sight!! what a surprise!!!
so tomorrow im going up in just my underpants, to see if the same rules apply to me (!)
after the second show i left the £10.52 in the street and daniella filmed it from afar..........noone picked it up, they saw it but kept walking past, until eventually a performer walked passed and lifted it. and if my experience is anything to go by then performers in edinburgh need the money for fun food and shelter.....and if that guy had succeeded in pulling me off the statue yesterday, i would have probably needed first class healthcare too (!!)
broke my second umbrella on the way home
was using it as a rod over my shoulders to carry my shopping, but magic happens in life, and 1 minute after i noticed it had broken, and was cursing having to walk another mile to the campsite with heavy bags of shopping, a salford van hire van pulled up and offered me a lift.......it was the carrying the props for the "all or nothing at all" group, who live at the campsite too
oh and ive seen thier show, and it rocks...........and im not just saying that because they gave me a lift...great music, beautiful movement
finally the review, you may have read it by now, but 2 stars, "a bit rubbish" "intriging" "absurdist nightmare" (which i actually take as a compliment!!)
how do i feel about that??????
come to todays show and you may just find out (!)
eric the fool xxx
Today has been ok......Thursday 12th August 2010
Arrested, detested and loved all in one hour.
its all in the blog, but i was arrested for singing "all around the world" on top of a statue of Adam Smith (an 18th Century Economist) on the royal mile
the only stuff i forgot to mention is that Daniella has decided to leave on monday, because shes not enjoying it. a big big pity, but if shes not enjoying it then i totally respect her decision.
it also means i will be on my own, but i have skype and i feel totally capable of looking after myself up here this time, not like 6 years ago. so personally i can cope, but i wish she was staying, and i wish even more that she was staying and playing, but say la vie
it also means i have a spare bed in my cocoon if anyone wants to come and spend some time sharing space with a fool.
im serious, i am inviting anyone who would like to spend some time with the fool to come and join me here. that way daniella can get some of her money back, because we paid for the accomodation up front
secondly. i would love to have a camera person. i have a video camera, and im sure this whole fools journey that i am on, could make a really nice documentary film, even if only as a "sad old fool fails at edinburgh reality TV programme"
any serious offers then contact me here at "Eric Mutch's Nuts" on Facebook
anyway, heres the video diary
Mutch Love x
Good Morning Edinburgh..........Thursday 12th August 2010
why watch GMTV when you can watch me (!)
today is my 1st anniversary..................its 7 days since our debut show at edinburgh festival 2010
12 shows down..........36 shows to go
unless i get a third venue of course, which i hope hope pray, dertermine i will.........ICHINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!!!
Best Day Yet.............Wednesday 11th August 2010
Too tired to write though, so straight to video today (!)
"Eric Mutch's Nuts"............Monday 9th August 2010
Thats the official title of my second show at the counting house lounge 14.05-14.50 daily from now til 29th august inclusive............
too tired to write so see below for more details
and heres todays video diary
the fool xxx
Transformation.............sunday 8th august 2010
yippee, 2 solo shows in and ive found my feet at last.
yesterdays show was absolutely pants, really really bad. so bad it was funny
i arrived to find a nearly sell out venue, looking for the original performer, but unlike any sane performer, who would go "yesssssssssssssssssssss!!!!! thank you very much!!! ill have his audience and wow them with my show!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
but not me, nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! i spent the whole performance, profusely apologising, for not being "jonathans world", and trying to get them all to leave for the next 45 minutes (!)
it sounds funny in hindsight, but in reality it was tragic, i was tragic, truely tragic.............................but i learned loads (!)
totally transformed me..........i have got my true foolish self back, and today i had a ball....not taking it so seriously, in fact not taking it any seriously, cos its not is it!................its only a melodrama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am loving it, loving it loving t loving it...............game on
the fool x
ps i have some lovely footage for my documentary, but it takes too long to upload on mobile braodband, so can only post the very very very yawningly boring video diary below im afraid
STOP PRESS: EXTRA SOLO SHOW'S AT VENUE 170....Friday 6th August 2010
i got some extra shows at Venue 170 the counting house, lounge, 38 west nicolson street!!!!!!!!!
the guy who was booked in hasnt turned up yet, so i'm taking the slot til he does.
its 14.05-14.50 every day from tomorrow. his show was called "jonathan's world" so mine will be called "Eric's World"
any takings from donations will be split 50/50 with a member of each days audience, and if i get enough to cover my costs each day to be here i.e accomodation, food and daily cost of advertising, then i will give all the excess away too
oh and heres todays video blog
We did it...............Thursday 5th August 2010
here is our first video update (very short as am still testing the new mobile internet dongle, and dont want to record too long in case it uses too much of me 3Mb limit)
i seem quite down, but dont believe the half of it, it went well beyond my expectations and we are all very very happy with todays show
roll on tomorrow
the fools xxxxxx
Dramas dramas dramas...........Wednesday 4th August 2010
Well we are nearly ready for lift off, and the dramas are starting to kick in................
Practically had to strip at bremen airport to get through security, but the venue is ace, the campsite is ace, the cocoon is ace, the view for gongyo is ace, the preparation is ace, the sound check and trying to work out how to set up a radio mic is pants, buying a dongle for mobile broadband from vodaphone is pants, the running around trying to sort it all out is pants, being 2 feet away from planes taking off, when im trying to sleep is pants, being 2 feet away from planes taking off, when im not trying to sleep is ace, free wifi all over edingburgh is ace, having sammy here is ace, the slogan "blue sky thinking" on the side of our regular bus is ace, the free festival is ace......................
cant wait for tomorrow
the fool x
Holiday? Holiday!?!??! my foolish arse its a Holiday!!.........Saturday 31st July 2010
two rehearsals in and all's well, very well indeed.
granted, we have yet to play infront of a live audience, well, a live human audience, but daniella's big pink teddy bear seems to love us, he doesn't speak much, well he doesnt actually speak at all, but he hasn't walked out yet either, so we must be doing something right (!)
we like what we've seen on video, but then again I have a pretty strong narsisistic mask, so maybe that doesn't say as much as the teddy not walking, but all in all we're happy and excited
its a full time job too
up at 7am, chant til 830, breakfast til 930, circle til 10, "being space" til 11, break til 1130, then more being space til circle at 1145, show starts at 12, finishes at 1245, then closing circle and feedback til 145. then finish for the day
we then watch the video at 6 for 45 minutes, and we even have to cook our own lunch and dinner too (!)
who says we artists have it easy (!)
this will change a bit once we arrive in edinburgh from monday, because we will be on the bus from the campsite at 1030 and we'll need to get it back as well (!!)
and we'll need to find time to flyer for an audience (!!!)
but despite all this, fear not friends and fellow fools, because i am quite enjoying myself
the two shows so far have included, jekyll and hyde, the critic and the fairy, sex and sexuality, relationships, dancing, singing and homemade music, to name just a bit of it.
it will be interesting to see how it changes and develops as we get an audience, as well as getting an additional player, when Katrin joins us on wednesday. 24 hours before the first real show (!)
oh what fools we are
All Change........................Wednesday 28th July 2010
day 2 of our preparations involved shopping for costume in primark. not as inspiring a place as i usually find it, and involved lot of perusing the womens section, due to the fact of shopping life, that even in primark, the womens clothes are far more colourful and creative than the drab concoctions on view in the mens section.
great for bringing up dramas too.
my own, when deciding the boundary was the womens underwear section, and the changing room attendants, when asking if the womens pyjamas and tights that i had in my hands, were for me (!)
at least i think thats what she said, because i dont speak german, and for all i knew i had picked the totally wrong size to try and she was just worried that i'd break them
there was also the drama of standing at the end of a very very long queue, hoping it was the changing rooms, when to all intent and purposes it looked like it was a queue ending at a refund desk. but being politely british i didnt want to encrouch to get a better look at the end point desk, in case i looked like i was jumping the queue, and more importantly not to bring too much attention to the english man with the arm full of womens clothes (!)
anyway i didnt break the clothes, and now have another option for costume, so alls well that ends well.
oh and after 2 days of hard work preparing, tomorrow is going to be our day off
the quest begins.....................Tuesday 27 July 2010
arrived in germany to get a weeks preparing in.
so far i have prepared by watching 1 hour of david dieder on you tube (jury's out for the moment), eating a 4 scoop cone of ice cream and starting to read ben eltons "meltdown" (jury likes this already)
also came up with a 4 week quest for the whole project
"to become aware of the dramas in every moment and play them play them play them"
On no not again!!!!!! Wednesday 9 June 2010
I must admit, that after failing to walk to india, failing to give my wages away on a weekly basis and failing to get enough votes to be able to resign as an MP in the general election, there is a part of me that says "how much is it going to cost to take a show to the edinburgh festival? £1200?!!?! ok fine, heres the money, but you can keep the experience, its all far far far too painful"
but i am but a fool, so here goes people, were off on another foolish adventure (!)
i have considered making this adventure a project in failure, and purposely set out to fail, that way theres less pain, and also paradoxically, even if i fail i succeed.
mind you if i do that, knowing my luck, this time the whole thing will probably be a huge success, meaning i fail yet abloodygain (!)
oh well time will tell
PREVIOUS FOOLS CAMPAIGN..............MAY 2010
I have changed my name by deed poll to "zero none of the above" and am standing in Filton and Bradley Stoke Constituency in the UK General Election 2010.........what happens?..........read on!
General Election 2010: I Will Resign As Soon As I Am Elected
A Vote For "Zero None Of The Above" Is
A Vote To Say No
A Vote To Send No Candidate To Parliament....Not Even Zero!!!
A Vote To Cause Real Change
If Everyone Stopped Buying Tea Overnight Tetley Would Find Another Product To Sell
Tell Them What You Really Think
Exercise Your Right To Say No: Vote For "Zero None Of The Above"
Saying "No" Is Better Than Saying Nothing
but can it be done?
Watch the "Zero" Party Political Broadcast Here
Zero's Blog below is the record of this election 2010 campaign
You can also follow this election 2010 campaign on twitter
You can Buy A Bear Here to help fund the £500 deposit
The newest and most recent blog appears at the top
The End......................? Monday 10th May 2010
apologies for the delay in writing, but needed a bit of a rest after the exertions of last thursday night
and apologies from the off cos i reckon this is going to be a long one. the reason being i want to put on record all my thoughts and feelings and learnings from the past 4 weeks campaigning.
more for my own sanity and reflextion really, so dont feel obliged to read it.
its just i was interviewed that day after on the radio, and it left me feeling like its not possible to get the real story or message out over the media, so at least i can put my side of the story here, whether people read it or not
so where to start?
well i got 172 votes, and finished last.
of course thats point one isnt it though, because its "none of the above" that got 172 votes, not me personally.
i wasnt standing personally, i was just giving people the option to actively vote for "none of the candidates"
personally im not sure i got the message out well enough, the message that "Zero None Of The Above" was literally a none of the above box, but even if i did then 172 voters were enfranchised to use their vote, and thats a success in my opinion.
although obviously on a personal note, i am disappointed to have lost my deposit and my bet with william hill, because its cost me around £1200 this campaign, and if i had got my deposit back i would have covered my costs
im not sure i got my message out there, because there were still a load of spoiled ballot papers, including a fair few left blank and a load more with huge crosses through them, and even one with the words "no candidate deserves my vote" written down the side too (!)
i did get to give my speech though, after thanking all the staff
"unless we have the right to vote to reject all the candidates on the ballot paper, then that ballot paper cannot be said to be truly democratic, i call on the next government to put an official none of the above box on the ballot paper and make voting compulsory. also as people seem to be giving jack alot of advice i would like to offer mine as well, in the form of a challenge. seeing as we are about the enter a time of savage cuts to our public services, where more and more people will be losing their jobs and losing their houses, is he willing to lead by example and take a savage paycut himself to the national minimum weekly wage of £489?"
as yet he hasnt answered (!)
and nothing in the media either (!) not just the politicians with their fingers in the establishment pie it seems.
was caught on camera sticking my tongue out as jack went up to accept the nomination. this really wasnt personal though, i dont even remeber doing it, and it was certainly just a reflex action at not having won myself, and no reflection of my feelings about jack or his party
i did find myself getting quite annoyed with the attitude of some the people involved in this "democratic" process of ours, mainly the political parties and the media
for example its obvious to me that in those constituencies on thursday night, that people were not allowed to vote in, whatever the reasons, then surely those elections have to be re run, no question.
but i have not heard one politician say so. these are the people who espouse deep seated belief in our "democracy" as something worth defending and even going to war over
then the issue of PR, thats so high on the agenda as the coalition tries to build itself.
i suppose none of the above should declare itself the winner nationally actually, because the nation voted for none of them to be the government after all (!)
but back to PR.
there is no question that at the moment, all votes are not equal and that the minority elects the majority, and therefore the system is unfair
why cant the 2 main parties just be honest and come straight out and say "we realise its unfair but it suits our parties so we wont be changing it"
and my personal opinion is that if the lib dems settle for AV then they are effectively condemning us to a three party system, and are therefore just the same as the other 2
on a positive note i would like to say how impressed i was with the lib dems and all their party staff
peter tyzack sent me a very complimentary good luck message at the begining of the campaign and he came across as a very genuine man on thursday evening as well, and so did all his support staff too.
they were genuinely pleased i was doing what i was doing, they gave the impression they really understood the issue as well.
i dont know enough about their national policies, but i was so impressed that i would have no hesitation in voting for or recomending a lib dem as my constituency MP
their actions speak for themselves, whereas the other parties seemed more concerned in the threat that i would take votes from them, rather than celebrate the fact i was aiding the democratic process.
and as for stealing their votes, what will they do next? start moaning that the tory shouldnt stand either, because hes taking votes off them too (!)
i did enjoy the evening though, most of them seemed so serious (which i suppose it was to them) but it was great to be a part of it, and hopefully bring a bit of light hearted, "dont take it all too seriously" energy to it all
so all in all it was expensive but fun, tiring but informative and another one crossed off my list of things to do before i die
ultimately i feel even more convinced that politics is pointless, a game we should let them all get on with playing, while we take control of our own lives and destinies
why give the power to someone else, when you can just as easily use it yourself
and id lie to finish with a quote
‘What is defeat in life? It is not merely making a mistake, defeat means
giving up on yourself in the midst of difficulty. What is true success
in life? True success means winning in your battle with yourself. Those
who persist in the pursuit of their dreams, no matter what the hurdles
are winners in life, for they have won over their weakness.’
Good Luck Zero.................Wednesday 5th May 2010
wow, it seems like my flyers are making a difference, cos i now get people popping their heads into the cafe, just to wish me luck
i only wish that i had had the time to do more doorstep canvassing, because with the reaction im getting off the people i have had chance to explain it to, then who knows what could have happened
also been wondering if i could be sued for having a name.
in the next election im thinking of changing my name to "none of them, they're all crooks allegedly" but i'll be taking legal advice first of course
im thinking of what to say in my speech at the count tomorrow night.
have thought about challenging the winner (unless its me of course!!) to lead by example, in these times of savage cuts to our public services and to take a pay cut to the national average of £489 a week
what are the odds?
Serious Question.......Monday 3rd May 2010
who exactly do we owe all this humungeous national debt to?
not the same bankers that got us into this mess in the first place is it (!)
I have yet to find a politician who will answer me this question, and i think its quite an important one......
Anarchy In The UK?.....Friday 30th April 2010
politicians do not nurse the sick in our hospitals, politicians do not teach in our schools, politicians do not work for our emergency services and there would not be anarchy in the UK if they were all temporarily rejected at the ballot box.
besides, zero none of the above does not advocate "no government".
zero none of the above advocates rejecting candidates and parties until the electorate finds one that it feels truely does represent it.
when this happens it will vote for it.
but until it does, surely it is only real democracy if the electorate has the chance to reject everything on offer, if it wants to.
was interviewed for bbc radio bristol today down at the cafe, and i think she may have been a bit surprised by the support people were willing to give "zero none of the above", maybe my opponents will be too come thursday eh (!)
i see dave had a go at gordon today, as being one of the only people who can afford to live in a country run by a labour government.
thats rich (!)
coming from a man who is worth around £30 million apparently (!)
anyway "sod the lot of them" vote zero none of the above on Thursday 6th May 2010
Kick Them All Out.........Thursday 29th April 2010
my girlfriend had a leaflet through her door today from the lib dem candidate. Now although ive met him personally and he seemed like a really decent bloke, i was very disappointed in the leaflet.
it was a yellow leaflet with a "red" trim.
the reason im disappointed is that the area my girfriend lives in is a typical labour voting ward, and in my opinion this leaflet was a clever attempt to sumbliminally portay the lib dem candidate's name as the labour candidate
i am disappointed because i thought they would be above all that
yet another example of underhanded politics and to be honest the sooner im out of the whole thing the better
ironically the very thing gordon got caught out on yesterday, was him actually being totally honest and above board in his views, whether we agree with those views or not.
the whole politics thing just makes me so angry
the debate tonight will be on the economy apparently, and time will tell if theyll be upfront and honest with us on that either
the consensus seems to be that whoever wins will have to make savage cuts in public services
brilliant eh (!) they give themselves a payrise, and a second home while we have to put up with savage cuts in funding to our public services (!)
lets kick them all out (!)
even the prime minister is up to it.
all he was guilty of was of overpaying someone !?!!?
my arse (!)
clean your own house, you lazy sod, like the rest of us have to (!)
and dont give me all that " but ive got lots of public funtions to attend" rubbish, some people have to hold down 3 jobs just to feed their families !!
and whats your wife doing? she doesnt need to work not with the money youre on, cant she clean the house if youre so busy?????
and as for that other bloke, if you like ducks so bloody much, get down the park and feed them in the pond, like the rest of us!!!
is being a politician a career or a vocation?
if its a career, then stop bleeting on about wanting to do the job for the good of the country and its people!!
if its a vocation, then how about leading by example and paying yourselves the average monthly wage of the regular joe bloggs
believe me that'll still be well above what alot of low paid workers are on, doing jobs you probably wouldnt touch, even with your opposite numbers fully expenses paid barge pole (!)
and in case this looks like a biased attack on an already defeated gordon, like kicking a man when hes down, how about the fact that our next prime minister could be a man with a net worth of £30 million
it stinks, but i doubt he can smell it, from his castle in the air, situated far far away from the local privy (!)
and i doubt very much he'll be needing the "public" services that we wont be able to use for much longer either!!!!!!
really theres only one way to get to these people, and thats to reject the lot of them!!
if they really thought for one minute that we would vote them all out, they would soon change their tune, wake up to reality, and get in touch with what its like to live as an ordinary person, in the real world
phew!!! and relax!!!!!
of course these are only my personal views, and in no way are related to my function as a none of the above box
they are the reasons, i personally, would use a none of the above box, but your reasons could be totally different and if you actually support any of these people and parties, fair play to you, its a democracy after all, and you are completley entitled to your opinion and voting preference, as i am mine
talking about democracy, i became a little concerned about postal votes again recently.
the local council sent out about 2000 ballot papers for the wrong constituency to postal voters somewhere in bristol last week, and asked people to just destroy them and that they would send out new ones with the right constituency candidates on
which made me think......whats to stop some unscrupulous individual/party gathering these votes somehow, and giving them to a supporter who is going to cast their vote at a polling booth next thursday, and saying while youre there can you "deliver" these for me?
not saying anyone ever has or ever will do this, but the fact is that just asking people themselves to destroy them cant possibly be the best thing for democracy....can it?
and following on from that, whats to stop some unscrupulous individual/party photocopying a few thousand copies of the ballot paper delivered as a postal vote, and "delivering them" in the same way?
again not saying anyone has or will ever do this, but the fact remains that it is a possibility, and if its a possibility then that cant be good for democracy either....can it?
but of course i could just be mistaken, after all im new to this whole thing, so what do i know
might watch the party political broadcast tonight, but i even have a question about that
i thought they were supposed to be 5 minutes long, not one and a half hours (!)
"SOD THE LOT OF THEM"....Tuesday 27th April 2010
thats what the UKIP poster i saw today said.
great slogan and i might well be nicking it, but the problem with UKIP using it is that in my opinion UKIP are a part of "them" surely, because they are just another set of politicians wanting to be elected (!)
as far as i see it, the fact that someone actually wants to be elected to parliament, is the primary reason they should not be granted that privilage
"sod the lot of them.....vote for me instead" is a weak message, peddling the same problem.
"sod the lot of them...vote for no of us"..............now thats more like it (!)
i think i have been a bit too conservative in my message so far, and now we are entering the final week of the campaign, maybe i need to be a bit more up front and less "politician", watching my words, worrying about mis quotes in the press and about not being taken seriously
the fact remains, i am sure that if those politicians, both in power and/or wanting to be in power, really thought that there was a chance that we would vote them all out, they would take alot more notice of us and our opinions about them, the way they behave, the way they break their promises as soon as elected, the way they avoid answering the question, the way they look after themselves financially, while we go through the recessions, and the savage cuts that follow, losing jobs and houses in the process, while they get handsome salaries, and pay rises, and second homes!!!
all the while knowing that although they have to face re election every 5 years, even if they lose, they will end up in power again at some time in the future, because thats the way it is
well not if the option was there to kick the lot of them out (!)
the option to not just kick a party off the gravy train, but derail the bloody train itself.
and now it is !!!
there are at least 2 of us as far as i know, who are "none of us" boxes
and in future there will be more
so whatever your reason, whether you are disillusioned, disheartened, angry, fed up with being taken for a ride, spoken down to, patronised, ripped off, because they thought they were beyond real reproach.
you now have the chance to show them who the real boss is
you have a vote in your hand that can pull the rug out from under all their feet
you have the power to kick them all out
"Vote Zero None Of The Above" in Filton and Bradley Stoke
vote "X None Of The Above" in South Basildon and East Thurrock
Theres two of us!!!! Monday 26th April 2010
hey just read in the paper, that the ex boxer terry marsh has done the same thing.
his name is none of the above X, but the principles the same, hes putting a none of the above box on the ballot in basildon and will resign if he wins the most votes
and i bet if we scoured the ballot papers we would find more too
i think its very exciting, and who knows what might happen on may 6th
theres still 10 days to build a bit of a ground swell, and hopefully as the campaign gets a bit more desperate towards polling day, we could see lots of people deciding to, as the UKIP poster i saw today suggests.....
"SOD THE LOT OF THEM!!!!!!"
could get interesting
mind you i dont want too much media attention, because i went to a buddhist meeting tonight and ended up blowing a gasget when someone wouldnt listen to what i was trying to say, and kept on interupting me, so hell knows how id handle paxman (!)
oh and nice to hear dave letting us know that nick wants to hold the country to ransom over PR.
far better to have a voting system where not only do the minority pick a majority government, but also the party finishing third in the polls could still win the most seats
i know which one i feel disenfranchised and held to ransom by, but then i have my own self interest as well i suppose....................in democracy (!)
I Don't Understand...............Sunday 25th April 2010
all the talk today has been of coalitions and will kingmaker nick, crown the our dave or ooer gordon?
well theres a couple of things i don't quite understand
i overheard someone say recently that the argument against proportional representation is that a minor party can have the casting vote and therefore disproportionate power in a coalition government
with the current system in place, this general election is apparently being fought in the marginal constituencies, where about 12000 floating voters (out of an electorate of what? 60 million...) will decide who wins (!)
so whats the difference???...............i don't understand
also, with all this talk of "market panic" and "financial meltdown" if theres a hung parliament, i wonder why mainland europe didnt go bankrupt years ago then, cos they have been mostly coalition goverments since like, forever (!)
but of course, it makes no difference to "zero none of the above" personally, because a "none of the above" box would work with either system, it appeals to those who don't vote anyway and it brings about a fully democratic vote for all, by covering all the options.
however, i am interested in any explanation of the above, so maybe if youre reading this lads, you can enlighten me
hey! only about 10 days campaigning left! i must admit to being slightly disappointed with the lack of invites to any hustings events, but maybe thats a good sign, maybe they are all scared of Mr Zero, and are hoping "out of sight, out of mind!!"
well if the response i am getting from people i speak to is anything to go by, they have good reason to be scared.
apparently one of the "main" candidates said on the radio the other day, that i wouldnt get my deposit back.
well, to be honest, i am not worrying about the deposit, i am starting to dream the impossible, because i have reason to believe i may do very well indeed.
i think i and possibly they themselves, have underestimated the depth of feeling over MP's expenses, at least thats one of the topics that keeps coming up when i talk to people, followed a bit back in second place by "broken manifesto promises", which is a great one for me to engage people with, because my manifesto is "legally binding" afterall
but in 10 days time we will see wont we (!)
STOP PRESS: A Victory For Democracy
after a barrage of complaints, they have now added "Vote Zero-None-Of-The-Above" as the last line in the "offending article"
another victory for democracy
thank you to everyone who put in a compaint
STOP PRESS: They are trying to airbrush me out.....plea for your help!!!!
In an article about some chap in Little Stoke who has erected a huge sign which makes no sense ("Feeling Suicidal Vote Tory"), they have listed all the candidates.....but omitted Mr Vote Zero-None-Of-The-Above!!!
if you feel the desire then you can make your complaint to the BBC Trust!
Today I Won...................Friday 23rd April 2010
Today was a pivotal moment in my campaign, it could have all gone wrong, i could easily have given in, but i didn't and today I won!
regardless of the eventual election result on may 6th, I won, because i won over the part of me, that thought i had come across one obstacle too far, and in doing so i overcame the obstacle.
it will probably all sound so melodramatic in hindsight, but today was the day i was due to deliver my 41600 constituency letters to the mail sorting centre in filton, for them to do my free candidate mailout.
its taken my campaign spending to about £1100 getting these letters printed, but in for a penny, in for a pound. i mean whats the point of a "zero none of the above" box, if no one knows what its for or how it works (!)
and if i get at least 5% of the vote, i get the £500 deposit back and win my £500 bet, so i could yet almost cover all my costs, but anyway back to the pivotal moment
at this point i really want to say a huge thank you, to sammy and especially to my mate adam who did the driving involved in picking up the letters from the printers and delivering them to the sorting office
last night i picked up the 6 boxes of 7000 flyers each, making 42000 in total
i then had to sort them into 7 different bundles for delivery to 7 different delivery offices.
some bundles as large as 23800, some as small as 200.
there are strict criteria and procedures to be met, and if i broke any of them the post office could legally refuse to guarantee delivery in time for the election.
i was up until 3am packing and sorting and handwriting labels with sorting office, postcode, constituency name, candidate name and number of items in a box.
i was then up again at 7am, to meet adam to deliver these boxes to the sorting office
one problem, the boxes must not weigh more than 11kg each and must be delivered by 12 noon today (the last day to ensure delivery by election day too!)
the problem was that sammy doesnt have any weighing scales (!)
i guessed that 11kg was like 12 bags of sugar, and working in the cafe, i thought i had an eye for a weight, and that was the problem....i had an eye for the weight but not a feel for it (!)
my eye said each box of 7000, of which there were 4, were pretty near 11kg and i was going to risk it, but when sammy said this morning she had a food weighing scales, i decided to take a packet of 500 flyers to see how much they weighed.............................2kg (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
meaning the maximum number of flyers per box, to keep below the weight limit was 2400, not the 7000 i had in some of them. this meant i had to rebox pretty much the whole lot into smaller packets, with a new label for each packet, and i didnt have anywhere near enough boxes or masking tape to do it, and it was already 8 am by this time
i was very tired, and i couldnt see how to get it all done in time. i could easily have decided not to bother. for a brief moment i could have just sat down and cried. really. like i said it sounds so melodramatic now, but it did feel like a breaking point.
theres been the stress of understanding all the rules and regs about standing, with all the stuff about 5 grand fines and possible imprisonment if i break certain rules, the stress of getting the posters designed and website ready in time, the stress of the nomination process and all that that involved, and this morning was the culmination of this whole process
for a moment i thought i had fallen at the final fence
but with adams help and a whole load of black bin liners, we bagged up the whole lot again into about 25 new batches.
at one point we even opened a box of 7000 to find there were only 6300 inside, throwing our calculations well out, and meaning we had to unwrap of load of recently rebagged batches to find them, which we eventually did.
we also had to do the same thing, when we found a bundle of 400 lying on a chair, 400 that were supposed to already be bagged up somewhere.
but in the end we did it, we got it all done and delivered to the sorting office with an hour to spare.
and the icing on the cake, was that the head bloke who handled our delivery, was very enthusiastic about the zero campaign, he thought it was a fantastic idea, and wanted to vote for it, but wasnt in the right constituency.
i know my flyers are now in safe hands (!)
i am meeting so many people who are saying they wanted to vote for zero, but are disappointed that zero is not standing in their constituency.
if this trend repeats itself in filton and bradley stoke, it could be very very interesting on may 6th
so now i can kick back and relax.
i still have to find 11 people to invite to the count as counting agents and i am allowed to book space for free in council run buildings for hustings meetings if i want. i may do this, at least once and announce it on facebook or something and see if we can have a "questions for zero" evening , and see who turns up
i am also looking forward to being invited to hustings meetings with the other candidates, if anyone wants to invite me, ill definitely say yes (!)
but basically, my campaign is complete now, website set up to self run for anyone wanting to help with posters etc, i am a fully nominated candidate, complete with deed poll name change, and now a letter explaining simply and succinctly what zero is and how it works, going out to every potential voter in the constituency
its only a small example of someone deciding to make a small dream come true, but make it come true i have, so now i am already formulating my next dream, what about you?
obviously i will keep campaigning til the end as well, but to do that, i just want to meet with anyone who wants to meet up, to talk about any questions that they may have
so let me know if you fancy meeting and ill be there
as for tonight, im having a well earned night off with sammy
caio for now
Positive Campaigning........................Friday Morning (Early!!) 23rd April 2010
working in a cafe, with no budget, its hard for me to do any campaigning, so its nice to see the other parties doing it on my behalf. The conservative posters say don't vote labour, the labour posters say don't vote conservative, and in the leaders debate, dave and gordon said don't vote for nick.
nice to see them campaigning so strongly and effectively to get people to Vote Zero None Of The Above (!)
Maybe if I had time i could re jig their posters a bit, to help them out
"We gave ourselves a pay rise, while all around us, people were losing their jobs, having their pay frozen, and having their houses repossessed, let us do it again.....or vote for change, vote Zero None Of The Above"
"don't let us take you for a ride.....Vote Zero None Of The Above"
For the record, A "zero none of the above" box is a positive step forward because it forces the parties to give reasons why we should vote for them, instead of giving reasons why we shouldn't vote for one of their opponents......
I am not a politician.............Thursday 22nd April 2010
was told by the chef at work today, that she watched my you tube broadcast with her son, and although he liked the idea, he thought i came across as just another politician, which is disappointing, because hes 19 and doesnt vote, so hes just the sort of person i want to appeal to
and of course he was right too. i hate it, but i can see that i have chosen over the past weeks to do it the way i see the politicians do it.
partly because i want to be taken seriously, but mainly because i am afraid of being misquoted, so i carefully think about everything that i write, every word and phrase, and i have become very serious about it all.
because of this i had a bit of a dilemna tonight, when i wanted to try and get a bit of publicity at the leaders debate thing in bristol. i was tempted to try and get on camera in a green suit, but was worried this would make me look like a crackpot, and that people wouldnt take the campaign or the option seriously.
but really, whatever happens, however crackpot i seem, the fact remains, that a vote for zero none of the above, will count for one thing only, it will count as a vote for none of us, a vote for none of the above, a vote for no one, because if i do win, i will resign immediately......end of
there are possibly many reasons someone would choose to vote for none of them, but im not in the business of enticing people to do such a thing, i am purely there to give them that option, should they wish to use it
i have also been thinking about my reasons for doing this campaign and whether it fits with my personal beliefs and principles.
i tell people i believe that everyone has equal and unlimited potential, and i like to focus on the positive side of life, thats what all the good news stuff is about, and the free stuff, so why stand as a none of the above candidate?
so for the record, i would like to state that im standing just because i can and because i wanted to put a none of the above option on the ballot, so that people can use it if they wish.
time will tell if they do wish, well 2 weeks time to be precise
id also like to apologise to anyone who has tried to contact me by email at thefunrevolution.com, but it has come to my attention that emails sent to that address are not arriving, no idea why (!)
i also notice that the main newspapers dont even have me down as a candidate, well certainly not the bbc or the guardian, but my free mailout is almost ready, due in no small part to adam, so there is some good news
and of course, every now and again (at least once every 5 minutes!!) i remember that i am a dad to be, and everything else pales into insignificance
and on that note
Postal Votes And Pink Socks......Wednesday 21st April 2010
well my first day as a fully fledged and nominated candidate began with a 3 hour return journey on the bus to thornbury council house again, for the candidates and agents briefing.
i have actually found these briefings to be most informative, first with the insights into the vagaries of the "teller" system, and today the potential disenfranchisement of the postal voter.
apparently, due to some fradulent activity in the past in regard to postal votes, there is a new system, whereby the votes are only accepted if the signature of the postal voter matches the records held by the electoral system.
however, the records of the signatures are about 5 years old, and peoples signatures change over a period of time, let alone if someone suffers from say parkinsons disease, where their signature will possibly be significantly different.
now, although the staff processing the postal votes are trained in forensically checking any signatures that are sign posted as possibly fraudulent, they are only human, and although i am in no way suggesting that those very staff would do anything wrong, it is obviously possible that a genuine postal vote is disgarded from the actual count. and my understanding is that the person who has had their vote discarded cannot find out that it has been discarded.
this cannot be fair or correct or a good thing for the democratic process, surely!!
i can understand someone disenfranchising themselves, by spoiling their vote, either on purpose or by accident, but to have a vote discarded because of a system procedure seems absolutely wrong.
i also found out that candidates and agents are allowed in the polling stations, but are not allowed in any way to engage with any voter to try and get them to vote for them, not even by introducing themselves, yet they are allowed to wear their rossettes, just like the "tellers", what's the point of that then (!)
i cant tell you who i am, but my rossette might just be a little bit of a giveaway
on a positive note, the people at the meeting, all seemed very nice, yet again, the electoral staff, the candidates and agents and whoever else was there.
and i saw my name and how it will look on the ballot
right at the bottom of the paper (!)
i had a phone call from bbc radio bristol today as well, who said they had been told i was "one to watch", not sure if they were serious, or taking the mick though, i'll guess i'll just have to wait and see.
also saw this comment on a website, refering to my campaign "Persoanally I’ve rather to see independents who come up with solutions rather than point of the problems. We can all see the problems"
So id like to respond here, cos its a relevant point
first, by changing my name and promising to resign, I am offering a solution. A solution to the problem that, if you didnt like any of the candidates or parties in previous elections, then you couldnt use your vote, but now you can.
second, why offer to take up the seat and work in parliament to make a law to put a "none of the above" box on the ballot paper, when by resigning i make that box happen there and then
third, i think the "none of the above" box also offers a solution to "negative" campaigning, because it forces parties and candidates to say "why you should vote for them" as opposed to "not vote for someone else", because campaigning for you to "not vote for someone else" is now covered by the "zero none of the above box"
fourthly, its been a bit like asking someone who doesnt like football, who their favourite football team is, and then calling them apathetic, when they say they dont like football.
fifthly........havent thought of that one yet, in fact reading the football one again, it seems like it should make sense, but im not quite sure it does, so i had better stop there (!)
finally i noticed today, how pink seems to be the most popular choice of alot of the older ladies. i had a real favourite regular customer of mine, a lady called rita, who used to come in to the cafe and show off her pink socks, and twice today i noticed 2 more ladies of the older generation, both wearing pink ancle socks.
absolutely no reason to mention this, and of no relevance or consequence to the campaign or the election as a whole, just an observation.
but be interesting to know if any of you notice the same thing over the next few days
signing off for the night
ps the leaders debate is in bristol tomorrow evening, the one on sky tv, so i'm going to head down there tomorrow from about 21:15 to see if i can catch a glimpse, should be a good opportunity to hand out some flyers.................as long as the evening post is correct with its prediction thats its going to be at the arnolfini that is (!)
Officially Nominated and Standing........Tuesday 20th April 2010
so thats it then, i have done it, i am now officially standing in the 2010 General Election.
how do i feel?
fantastic, excited and a little bit nervous..........but less about the baby and more about the election (!)
i will be meeting all the other candidates tomorrow, at a meeting at thornbury council house. looking forward to that. then working my shift at the blue sky before picking up my flyers for my free election mailout.
been so busy preparing that i have missed most of the goings on on the campaign trail, so not sure what the focus is on policy wise, but i did see that the next live tv debate is in bristol on thursday, but havent recieved my invite yet (!)
which is strange seeing as i possibly represent up to at least 40% of the electorate (!)
oh and i changed my name again last week because i was worried about the way it would look on the ballot paper.
i am now Mr Vote Zero-None-Of-The-Above
so on the ballot i will appear as
im happy with that (!)
and if i can get my message out there it will be interesting to see how many people want to do just that
either way i have already succeeded.
there was no "none of the above" box on the ballot, there was a petition to put one on it, and now i have gone and done just that.
why ask someone else to do something, why not just go out and do it yourself
My Party Political Broadcast Is Here.............Sunday 18th April 2010
Now you don't even have to read the website (!)
This Party Political Broadcast video is a simple and brief explanation, answering the questions, the how's, why's and wherefore's of the "Zero None of The Above" campaign.
Campaign Song................Saturday 17th April 2010
Makes me feel good, and hopefully you too
Think it makes a good campaign song, because I work at the Blue Sky Cafe, and its just a feel good song
Shows my age though (!)
That Was The Week That Was......Friday 16th April 2010
well what a week eh (!)
still panicing a little, waiting for the post office artwork checking team to approve of my constituency letter design, but have the presses ready to roll when they do, and should still hit the deadline of next friday 23rd to deliver them to the post office, ready for them to mail out one, to every household in the constituency, as part of my free candidate mailout.
going to see if william hill will give me a bit more money at 50/1 to retain my deposit, because my expenses are about to go up to £1200 with deposit and printing costs so i need to buy a bit more insurance (!)
all in all i would again like to say how helpful the electoral commision people have been in dealing with me. its obviously all a bit intimidating for a novice like me, but they have been very clear and appraochable with any questions i have had
i would also like to add a third prospective MP to my list of "really nice persons", as absurd as it may sound coming from the "none of the above" candidate.
one of my opponents left me a really supportive friendly note at the cafe the other day, while i was at the hospital with sammy. so my impression of the candidates i have met so far, is that whether i like their policys or not, they themselves are all decent people, but then again ,they are all human beings, so they are bound to be i suppose
finally and most importantly, i am still ecstatic at being a dad. cant quite get my head around it yet, seems so strange to spend 44 years on the planet not being a dad, then overnight to discover you are.
its a bit like waking up one morning to find out i can now drive a car, without ever having taken lessons.
although thats a pretty poor metaphor, because i wasnt exactly an innocent party in the making of said baby, but you get my jist, or any dads to be out there might do i guess (!)
i love it though, and cant wait. although obviously i have to..........but only another 5 months and 27 days ;-)
cycling down the cycle path the other day i was listening to a song on my MP3, when i came across a gathering of at least 12 magpies, I kid you not!!!! thats got to be a good sign surely
i say at least 12, because i couldnt contain my excitment as i counted, and they all flew off, but 12!!!!! the rhyme only goes up to 7!!!!!
sammy reckons you have to start again, but that still goes up to 5, which is silver, so maybe im going to come second in the election, or better still itll be quintuplets (thats 5 isnt it?)
anyway for your enjoyment and mine.........................heres the song..............dedicated and about my daughter
STOP PRESS: Zero Is Having A Baby.....Tuesday 13th April 2010
long story, long long long story.............OMG!! anything Davey C can do, I can do better eh (!)
I was told this year would be a one in a million, and so it is turning out to be.
I am absolutely ecstatic, cant wait, but going to have to wait another 6 months unfortunately
thinking of calling her Zero........................Zero Zero
Pencils And Tactical Voting.....Sunday 11th April 2010
first things first, arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
for some strange reason, i got it into my head last night that it would be a great idea to "clean up" my computer, and delete the programmes that i "rarely use" (well it said "rarely used" in the side bar!!?!?!!)
bear in mind, i am also a technophobe, who can just about surf the internet and do email??!?
consequently i now get a blank screen when i turn on windows , and have well and truely shafted myself grrrrr!!!!!
I obviously don't need anyone else to sabottage my campaign, I'm clearly more than capable of doing that my bleedin self (!)
what a nob!
On the campaign front itself, two things have been brought to my attention
i have already been met with the "but if you stand here, and people vote for you, you'll only let in so and so a candidate/party"
for the record, i have considered this conundrum very carefully. for it is not my intention to give any candidate/party an advantage from my campaign.
my reasoning for standing where im standing, quite apart from the fact that i work in the constituency, is that although filton and bradley stoke is a new constituency, (actually, what better place therefore to launch a new option on the ballot paper than in a new constituency) the way the wards that now make up this constituency voted in the 2005 election, means that in 2005, a conservative would have won the seat by 2000 votes.
seeing as the "swing" will also be towards the conservatives in this election, then the conservative will pick up even more votes in this 2010 election, so it appears to me that Filton and Bradley Stoke constituency is a safe conservative seat.
the other parties cannot possibly win it.
whereas if i stood against a party that was losing votes in the swing anyway, and i then took even more votes from that party, then of course, one of the other parties could win by default.
not sure i have explained it very well, but if you follow my logic, you will see i am right.
for the record, i am not in favour or against any particular party or candidate. i just want people to vote, and if they dont want to vote for anyone, then i encourage them to vote for "zero none of the above"
funny enough, whereas i dont have, and dont need any manifesto policies, because i'll be resigning immediately if i win, i am starting to see some issues with the electoral system itself
first there was the whole "tellers" thing, and how i see the possibility for abuse and manipulation of the system by these tellers
(in case there are any lawyers reading this: i am stating its only a possibility, not claiming its ever been done)
now it has been brought to my attention that we use pencils to mark our votes on the ballot paper
can someone confirm if this is true, because if this is correct, then my question is.......why?
i assume the answer is so you can erase your X if you make a mistake
but i now know, that if you make a mistake when marking your X to vote, you can take your ballot paper with the mistake on, back to the election booth staff and request that they replace it with a new one.
so you dont need to be able to erase it, because you can just get another one instead!
so why the pencil? surely its obvious that this is open to further abuse, even the possibility of someone else erasing my vote, and placing my X where they want it instead.
of course i am not suggesting anyone would, i am suggesting that if someone wanted to, then they could, and that cannot possibly be a good thing.
finally, although my national bets lost, my candidate colours won so maybe thats a sign
Got Em!!!!...............Saturday 10th April 2010
"what a beautiful day hey hey, what a beautiful day, nothing is impossible, and everything is going my own way eh eh"
thanks to sammy and the blue sky cafe customers, i have all my 10 nominations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will be officially a nominated candidate when nominations officially open for acceptance on tuesday 12th april.
I have to wait til then because Gordon hasn't disolved parliament yet
I met 2 more candidates today, one from UKIP and the other from Labour, and regardless of what i think of their politics, they were both really nice people.
mind you, my opinions on politics are irrelevant anyway, because Zero is effectively a none of the above box (!)
I notice "Eric's Charm" was the first faller in the national today. I more than noticed it actually, I noticed my £20 falling into the bookies pocket with it (!)
However, today I also made the easiest £500 I'll ever make.
I placed my £10 bet at 50/1 with William Hill, to retain my deposit.
I only need approximately 2000 votes to do this
I think it's possible
In fact I think it's more than possible, cos my intention is for "Zero None Of The Above to win the thing outright (!)
Finally a new campaign song.
I work at the Blue Sky Cafe in Staple Hill, and not only have the customers of the Blue Sky Cafe nominated Zero for the election, but the Blue Sky Cafe is also doubling up as my campaign HQ for the month
So there can only be one campaign song really, can't there
and here it is........................................
Party Bias and A cunning Plan...............Friday 9th April 2010
I already have 6 nomination signatures on day one of deciding to stand in filton and bradley stoke, and also had 3 other people want to nominate me, but they were just over the constituency boundary. in 2 of those cases the boundary cut their roads in half, and unfortunately they were in the wrong half.
so if i lose by 3 votes, i'm going to be pretty gutted (!)
one thing i noticed today was the constant hourly party political adverts for the 3 "major" political parties, which hardly seems fair. It happens on the hourly radio news reports. They report on the policy statements of those 3 parties in every news bulletin.
the other "minor" parties (myself included) never get a mention.
i know the arguments of the media reflecting the alligences of the public i.e the majority of the people support one of these 3 parties, but i think it raises the question of "does the media reflect the public, or does the public reflect whats in the media?"
afterall, "what you focus on you get more of"
on a happier note, william hill have offered me 50/1 to retain my deposit (by getting at least 5% of the vote).
and i have a cunning plan. i'm putting a tenner on myself and stand to win £500 if i retain my deposit.
i am spending this £500 in advance, because i am entitled by law, to one freepost constituency mailout, so i am going to use the £500 potential winnings, to produce a flyer "constituency letter" to send out to all my constituents, explaining to them in very simple terms, exactly what "Zero None Of The Above" means.
this will increase the likelyhood of me retaining my deposit.
and if i retain my deposit, i can pay for the flyers with my £500 winnings
and therefore cover the costs of the whole campaign (!)
talking about gambling, isn't it typical, i have waited years for a horse to be running in the grand national with my name, and this year there is one, "eric's charm", just after i change my name by bleedin deed poll (!)
mind you there is one called "Nozic" which includes the word NO and the word ZIC which begins with Z, so is it pushing it to think that "Nozic" is almost running with my new name?
probably is eh
It's Official, I'm Standing In Filton And Bradley Stoke.....Thursday 8th April 2010
Well, it's official, after being inundated with requests from constituents in the cafe today, i have decided to stand in Filton And Bradley Stoke constituency instead.
It also means I will be able to canvass while i work, because whereas other candidates have to go to see their constituents, my constituents come to me. they even buy their own tea (!)
I even had someone ask why I'm not standing in every constituency in bristol.
Obviously i cant do that, but if other people want to join me, all they need is £513 for the deposit and deed poll
I notice how i am setting the agenda too, because i talked last night about standing in the election being my "right of passage" and then today his daveship of conservechester was talking about "rights of passage" for the young people.
have also decided to change the "imprint" on my posters, to say "printed and published on behalf of me". this feels like a risk because i am then liable if people download the posters and are irresponsible in where they post them, meaning the possibility of a large fine or even imprisonment, but asking individuals to write their names and addresses on posters seems too complicated and possibly discourages people from helping me out.
the new posters are on order and should be up by the weekend
otherwise another quiet day
well apart from twitter continuing to be twa*ter and facebook continuing to be f**kbook.....grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!
So What Can I "Tell" You?....Wednesday 7th April 2010
well my campaign really got under way today.
the interview in the evening post came out, and was a very fair report, so id like to thank the reporter.
then i went to the council chambers for a meeting about the procedures for standing in the election for candidates and agents.
it was a bit intimidating at first, everyone looking so official, in shirts and ties, but by the end i had got to talk to a few of the officials, and it was heartwarming to realise that they are just human beings like the rest of us. the presiding officer had obviously seen my article in the paper and asked if i was mr zero. he was really friendly and asked me to make sure i got my nominations in early in case there were mistakes on the form , so that it would give them plenty of time to help rectify any problems, enabling me to stand.
it was obvious that they wanted to help and again i found it a heart warming reasurrance that, whatever our roles in life, our positions and even our political views, at our core we are all human beings, just trying to get by as best we can.
i met a guy called chris, whos standing for the english democrats. now i have no idea of what his political views are, or whether i'd agree with them or not (i can gather that they are the english version of the SNP or Plaid Cymru, but no idea if they are left, right or centre wing) but again, like the presiding officers, he came across as a decent bloke, so much so that when he told me he was running in bristol south, i felt like changing constituency, not because of his politics, because, like i have said, i dont know his political views, but i did like him as a person.
actually, i am seriously thinking of changing constituency. i may decide to run in the new bradley stoke and filton constituency, because it is the constituency i work in, and therefore not only do i stand a better chance of getting the 10 nominations that i need to stand, but i may be able to canvass easier, because i know the area better, and the people know me a bit more too................jury is out for now and i have until april 20 to get my nominations in, so a bit more chanting on that one me thinks (!)
one thing i did find out about today, was "tellers". these are the party volunteers at polling stations that ask for peoples polling cards to see if voters who have told them, on the doorstep, they would vote for their candidates have actually turned up to vote. they can tell by checking the poll cards. this enables them to "chase up" voters who promised to vote for their candidates, but haven't actually turned up to vote.
there were lots of regulations about what these people could and couldnt do, and although i can see why the candidates they represent would want them there, it seems to me, very very difficult to make sure these "tellers" are behaving within the rules, and chris the english democrat made the point that surely in the spirit of fairness, and the difficuly to "police" their behaviour, it would be better to ban tellers altogether. and i must say i agree with him.
i can see how its easy for people to be intimidated by these people, to feel like they are obliged to give them their poll cards or other information, or just be put off entering the polling station because they already find it a stressful experience, aswell as it being possible for "tellers" to abuse their positions.
i am not saying any teller in particular would do such a thing, just that its obviously a possiblity, and the solution to me, would seem to be, just not to allow tellers in the first place.
but hey, what do i know. it was an interesting insight into workings of an election though.
and for the record, from what i gathered, tellers are only allowed to wear a rosette and have no other political attire or posters. they are only allowed to ask (politely) if you would like to give them your polling card and you are under no obligation whatsoever, to give it to them, and they are not there in any official capacity as part of the officials that are running the election.
so tell the teller i told you (!)
finally, got some better posters designed, but again am getting a bit worried about breaking the rules. i am very happy to be given any support that people want to give me, but if people do download the posters from the website they need to write their name on them as the person who printed them, otherwise it could be a huge fine and even prison for me.
and don't post them on council walls or trees either please. its illegal
which in some ways is a pain in the butt for me, because i think this may stop people helping me by displaying posters, which puts me at a disadvantage because i rely on voluntary help, rather than the multi millions pound budgets of the major parties. oh well i'll do my best anyway
finally finally, i'm very excited. it hit me today that i am going to stand in a general election. ok so i cant possibly go to parliament, even if i win, but it feels like a right of passage. which is a special right of passage for me, seeing as i never did the usual one of learning to drive (!)
so bring it on
ps twitter is playing up and refusing to post my tweets on my facebook profile...............i bet dave doesn't get this problem....grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!
The Loonies Didn't Seem To Understand....Tuesday 6th April 2010
oh well nice try i suppose, but the loonies didnt seem to understand so doesnt look like i'll be going national afterall.
unless of course lots of other independants join me, by changing their names to zero none of the above and standing in their own constituencies.
easy to do, just download the poster and constituency letter, change the "imprint" to your own name and publisher (be carefull!!! you are liable to a 5 grand fine and imprisonment if you don't!) and youre away (!)
or download the poster and display it anyway just to support my campaign of course ;-)
on the plus side i got interviewed by the evening post today and that will be coming out tomorrow, and the deed poll organisation want to help me with a press release, so swings and roundabouts
pity the rosettes arrived a bit late for the photoshoot, but they look very professional
the question i seem to get asked the most is why am i doing this, and what do i want the other parties to do?
well basically im doing it because i can and because i want to put a "none of the above" box on the ballot paper. As for what i want the other parties to do, well thats up to them. the fact is if they offer what people want then i assume people will vote for them, so good luck to them.
im still 5 nominations short to stand against dawn primarollo in bristol south, so if it doesnt pick up soon then i'll have to look at standing in the new filton and bradley stoke constituency, but theres a while to go yet
campaign expenditure is now up to £100.50 with the costs for the rosettes and deed poll, and have been offered 50/1 to keep my deposit so might have a tenner on that too
all in all it was a quiet day, for me anyway, not sure about gordon and the rest though
STOP PRESS: The Campaign May Be Going Nationwide....monday 5th April
following on from a chance email, i have asked the monster raving looney party if they would like to adopt my single "resign immediatedly if elected" pledge.
should they do so we are looking at the possibility of fielding a candidate in every constituency, and actually winning the whole general election
more to follow
The Name's Zero, None Of The Above, Zero....Monday 5th April 2010
so let the games begin (!)
the deed poll is in the post.
i am now officially "Mr None Of The Above Zero"
and i already have the offer of 5 nominations.
been getting a bit anxious about it all, all the rules and regulations, organisation involved, making sure i do it all properly, and make the most of the campaign. im a bit of a perfectionist.
but it got me to thinking about why i am doing this, at the bottom of it all, what are my reasons? and when i get back to basics its very very simple
i believe in the unlimited potential of every person and i believe in the power of the individual to change things.
it came to my attention that there was no option on the ballot paper for people to vote "none of the above" and i then found out that it was illegal to call a party "none of the above" and then i found out that there were petitions to get a "none of the above" box on the ballot paper
and i then decided, why petition someone else to do it, if you can do it yourself.
so thats what i have done
now all i need is 5 more nominations and "ZERO NONE OF THE ABOVE" will be on the ballot paper, meaning if i win then no one will be elected, not even me (!)
and this means job done, so i can then relax
of course, there is a lot more work that could be done to make the campaign an even bigger success, like a mailout to every constituency member, publicity in the papers, canavassing, but i am only one man with no budget so there is only so much i can do. so im going to stop all the worry and anxiety and if all i end up doing is putting "none of the above" on the ballot paper, i will consider it a huge success................but wouldnt it be lovely if it really took off !!!!
imagine if people start buying the badges to fund the campaign, start downloading posters to post in their windows, create some great fun publicity stunts..................
imagine if people start to believe in themselves and the potential they have to make things happen in their own lives and the lives of others
we could be onto something really really big
we'll see eh!!
Throw Out The Baby.....Thursday 1st April 2010
almost threw out the baby with the bathwater tonight. i reckon gordon brown has nothing on me. got totally frustrated and up me own bum with some of the challenges being thrown up, including a one hour session to back up the website ( i really hate all this computer stuff, they have a wonderful potential, that just seems to be a teasing non reality whenever i start trying to make that potential a reality)
started to panic about meeting all the rules and regulations to stand. it seems like a minefield, and if i mess up i could be jailed or fined up to 5 grand.
its a minefield of information, and on a serious note i do feel a pressure, because i dont really understand it all, but what can i do? well i can do my best and hope its enough, and that i dont break any rules
mind you it all worked out beautifully in the end. i had a good session of chanting this morning, and eventually found someone to pick up my zero postcards, in time for me to set up a stall to sell them on this bank holiday weekend, and i must also say that frustrating as it was for me, the computer session i had with joe worked in the end, and therefore it was, in the end, a very very productive day.
so thanks to joe and judy
then the icing on the cake, came when i went to a party at carolines tonight, where i got my second nomination for bristol south constituency. thats now 2 down and 8 to go...................!!!
campaign expenditure is now up to £87, including the facebook advert costs, but i now have 91 members of the facebook group, so maybe it was worth it
i am determined to raise enough money for a single mailout of one constituency letter, but thats going to be at least another £300 for 45000 A6 flyers.
however theres no point in doing it half hearted. whatsthe point of being on the ballot paper, if im not going to at least try and inform every constituency member of what a vote for "zero none of the above" means
onwards and upwards
Zero Trampoline.......Friday 26th March 2010
well a fortnight of cooking and fooling in preparation for the up coming election is almost over.....boo, hiss (!)
i have discovered i am an expert impro cook, so maybe i have already discovered my next project, well my next after next project, seeing as i have also booked the fools in to play at the jekyll and hyde for the entire edinburgh festival 2010
have got the campaign ready for roll out, with a campaign shop, free campaign poster (thanks to mark and annaliase, and a teacher, whose name excapes me for the mo) and the best campaign slogan yet, provided by my foolish friend, Turid.
"It's better To Say NO Than Say Nothing"
You can even "Buy A Bear" to help fund the £500 deposit
Talking of money, campaign spending is already up to £76 because of buying the badges, postcards and stickers as well as spending £14 so far on a targetted facebook ad, that has yielded another whopping 4 members of the facebook group LOL (!)
oh what i would give for a Lord Ashcroft all of my own (!)
in fact if he turned up he could fund my first public awareness campaign, formed while I was helping alexandre bitchumin his caravan roof yesterday, which was fun and appealed to the arsonist in me, because i got to use a huge blow torch.
His kids had a trampoline in the garden, and the view i got from the roof, gave me the idea.
i want to print a huge yellow "Zero None Of The Above" logo on a trampoline and tour it around the UK
it would be great publicity, and hopefully be a bit more fun for people, than the usual baby kissing exploits, that are so cliche and passe (!)
So Lord Ashcroft, if you're reading this, please get in touch
Zero the Cook...........Monday 15th March 2010
in preparation for the election i have escaped to germany, to test my cooking skills.
i will spend the next 4 days cooking a warm lunchtime meal for 14 fools.
i have never cooked for more than 4 people before, i have no idea of what to cook, and a very small budget because all the fools i know are very poor................oh what a fool am i (!)
just spent 30 euros for tomorrows meal and already dreading the cutting and pealing that looks necessary. i dont get up well at the best of times but ill need to be up at dawn to get to grips with all those onions, potatoes and carrots.
its probably best to get a few large vegetables, whereas i have many vegatables, and small ones to boot, but hey im a foolish cook, so live and learn
hey! i finally have my poster done, yippee!!!!!!!
this will be uploaded soon for anyone who wants to, to download and help promote the campaign, as well as postcards and badges on sale in the shop
as soon as thats done we are in business, the press release will go out and lets see if its fireworks, slow burn, or most likely, damp squib (!)
right im off to chant up a recipe
Wasted?.....Thursday 11th March 2010
theres nothing like an enquiring and sometimes cynical mind of a 14 year old to get one thinking.
tonight i asked my bosses son to help me out with the poster design, seeing as i cant do that sort of thing, and the election is now probably only 3 weeks away (getting excited!!!)
obviously he wanted to know what i was doing, but when i tried to explain he seemed very perplexed to say the least, and hes a pretty intelligent lad.
his basic observations were, "so youre encouraging people to waste their vote?" and "people dont need an option to vote 'NO' because if they dont want to vote for anyone, they just stay at home" and finally "why waste your money doing this, why not just start a petition to get a NOTA box on the ballot paper?"
it was like talking to a rabid version of paxman (!)
i was like a rabbit in the headlights, and im pretty certain he just thought i was fool, or i think 'nutter' were his precise words (!)
anyway, obviously i had a think later and i now have a clearer answer to all 3 points
1. the only wasted vote is a vote that isnt used
2. the statement that "40% of the constituency didnt vote", is nowhere near as powerful as the statement that " 40% of the constituency voted for none of the above"
3. why petition someone else to do something, placing all the power in their hands, when you can just go out and do it yourself
i will pass on my new answers to him and guage his reaction this time, but whatever happens, i know the sort of people i would want as my political advisors, and think tank personel if ever i needed them, cos his barage of questions was invaluable and thought provocing.
Waiting............Tuesday 9th March 2010
sorry for the lack of updates, but everything has been on hold, while waiting for the poster design to be completed, thats the problem with being a techophobe, i need to get someone else to do it for me.
have decided to stick to "zero none of the above" following your feedback, even if i personally like "none of them whats the point"
anyway once the poster and badge are on the website and available for download, we are all systems go, and about time too because i reckon he'll be calling the election in 3 more weeks.....waiting!!!!!!!
What's the point!!..................Tuesday 9th February 2010
this politics game isnt easy is it.
chatting with my mate "no money man mark" he seems to think standing as "None-Of-Them Whats The Point" would raise more smiles at the ballot box, without lessening the message.
i am unsure, cos it does make me smile too, but there is a point to it all, i want a "none of the above box" on the ballot paper.
mind you it would make the bill hicks video a bit more relevant
Monster Raving Loonie?.....Not Quite.........Tuesday 2nd February 2010
hello there, long time no see (well this is supposed to be a daily blog)
things are progressing along quite nicely. i am setting up the shop, i have fun revolution badges ready to sell and someone is creating my zero "logo" and "campaign poster".
even got help from the monster raving loonie party tonight, as they have a prospective candidate guidelines page, with a "how to stand" section . it covers all the basics, and what the electoral commision takes 79 pages to say, they cover in one!!!!!
so who's the loonies (!)
getting lots of positive feedback about the campaign, although mainly from friends and wellwishers, so am under no illusions about the battering i could take from other quarters, but batter me all they like, its not me who is standing is it really, its the "none of the above" principle that is standing and thats separate to me, in fact, voting for "none of the above" is voting for "none of the above" including me!!
so ironically, the more of a battering i take, the bigger the idiot, bad person i am made out to be, the more reason to vote for me "zero, none of the above" in the first place(!)
a friend of mine played devils advocate for me and asked "whats your alternative?"
my answer is simple
"i don't need one. The sole reason for this campaign is to get a "none of the above" option on the ballot paper. People have died getting us the right to vote: now there is no excuse not to use it"
i have almost decided on the constituency too. it seemed to make sense to stand against a safe conservative MP because as they will be the party gaining votes in this election, then a safe seat tory will definitely retain their seat, meaning a vote for any other party is wasted, meaning more potential voters for me, aswell as the people who don't usually turn out.
however, there is no safe tory where i live, so that options out.
but there is a "safe" high profile MP for another party, and i reckon that could be the one, as it doesnt really threaten them, and it does offer a good chance of some media coverage.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm something to sleep on i think
A Nightmare On Election Street..............Friday 29th January 2010
very stressful this campaigning lark.
been trying to get the fun revolution shop up and running, but bloody hell, me and the internet just dont get on some days.
i am sure other people get on fine but it seems to say to me "wow, look at all these amazing things you can do!! the possibilities are endless" then laughs in my face when i actually attempt to do it. does user friendly mean "make it as unusable as possible" to some of these web designers ?!!!?!
mind you got some lovely people helping to design the logos and stuff, all for free too, see the world is full of wonderful people.
the biggest nightmare was wading through the "how to stand in a general election" guidance. grrrr!!! anyone would think they didnt want ordinary people standing (!)
all the rules and regs, its a minefield.
but it actually had the effect of making me even more determined to stand, if that was possible.
on the plus side, i saved myself £500 cos it only costs £500 to stand and not the £1000 i had originally thought.
plus i get free use of council property and rooms to hold meetings, so i could even use these to do some fools shows (!)
plus i get one free post letter to every constituent, but i suppose i wont be using that because how will i buy the 60000 printed letters and envelopes (!)
could sell the free post i get, to some business that wanted to do some mass leafleting in the constituency, and use the money tom pay the deposit, but thats probably illegal (!) anyone know? hopwfully my creativity can be rewarded
oh and I have even found info on the constituency turnout figures for 2005, so i now have a good idea of the best places to stand.
the best one in my local area had 59% turnout, leaving me with 41% to aim my "Zero none of the above" campaign at(!)
so its not all bad (!)
Policy, Policy, Policy......Tuesday 26th January 2010
slow day today, so not alot to report.
came up with a few more policies, that are totally irrelivant of course, because i wont be taking up my seat, but seems a shame to think of running in an election and not at least play the policy making game.
so another policy that i wont be implementing should i win, is to cancel the nuclear arms budget, and get simon cowell to release a charity single to raise the funds instead
also thought of a second slogan
"if you don't want to vote for anyone: vote for me"
thats all, am now off to bed, cos a busy day beckons tommorow, I have to get my campaign page up and running, with policy, song, video and fundraising
Constituency or not constituency, that is the question...Monday 25th January
things are moving fast. i now have a campaign slogan, song, video, logo and policy.
"if you are going to waste your vote: waste it on me"
seems like a rather appropriate slogan, to go along with the campaign video by Bill Hicks and campaign song by Lilly Allen, and the policy to stand for a month, claim all the expenses that i can and donate the lot, along with any salary and lobbying payments, to the NHS. then resign after a month forcing a bye election.
the question now is which constituency to run in.
of course i have already decided its better to run where there are few other candidates, so its easier to be seen on the paper, but today i got to thinking about the people i am trying to represent.
so i have decided to run in a constituency that had the lowest percentage turnout in the last election, regardless of how many candidates that are running.
my thinking being that this constituency will have the highest percentage of potential "none of the above" voters, because if they didnt turn out in the last election, theres a good chance its because they didnt want to vote for anyone i.e any of the above.
and as i am now resigning if i win, then i am a genuine "none of the above" candidate.
on a personal note (because it the vogue to have the personal touch, and i'm bored of the kissing babies way of doing it, and i cant do a quick stint in rehab, because i did all that 18 years ago) i went to a funeral today, which kinda got me thinking about my own.
probably just as well, because politicians have a habit of being assasinated, so its good to plan for these things.
anyway i would like to state for the record, that i want my funeral to be at sea. i want it to be a colourful party, celebrating my life (or the fact i am dead, for those who don't like me) where my body is thrown from the top deck to the lower deck, in a stage diving manner, where i then want to be crowd surfed to the back of the ship, where four "random" people take an arm and a leg each, give me the bumps (one for each year i lived) before throwing me overboard for the fishes.
cos i aint wasting 3 grand on a funeral, id rather spend the money while im alive, its the same reason i aint got a pension (!)
Already Breaking Promises?.....Sunday 24th January 2010
its a busy old life this political campaigning stuff. I kinda feel sorry for that David Cameron bloke now, cos I only have to think of campaign strategies, where as he has to think of policies as well, and that Gordon Brown bloke, well he has to do all this, and run the country at the same time.
Mind you they have the backing of a multi million pound campaign budget with thousands of staff to spend it on as well, whereas i am just a single individual, with only a credit card to pay the £1000 deposit, so i dont feel too sorry for them really (!)
After a bit of research I am pondering whether to change the wording of my name. It seems that the ballot paper does go by surname and is listed alphabetically. so my surname will come first, meaning if i call myself "Mr zero none of the above" effectively Mr Above, i will be down on the ballot paper as "Above.......Zero None Of The" which doesn't quite work (!)
However if i call myself " Mr none of the above zero" i will be down on the ballot as " Zero......None Of The Above"
I found this out because someone else is actually doing the same thing, but in a heated argument on a Lib Dem message board, the Lib dem's are laughingly pointing out the mistake, which is a real bummer for him as he has already changed his name by deed poll, and is now called Mr Above (!)
mind you it will also still be a problem for me if the word "Mr" appears anywhere on the ballot paper.
those pesky civil servants think of it all dont they (!)
but i wont be put off that easily, oh no! I just need to dig deeper to find the answer, if that problem arises.
and i may even pick a different name altogether and call myself "Abstain None Of The Below" which would put me at the top of the ballot paper, as long as I'm not running against a certain "Mr Aardvark"
On a more serious note, I am considering a policy change already.
I am thinking of resigning immediately if i am elected. Not only would this cause a bye election it would also mean that a vote for "zero none of the above" would truly mean a vote to send nobody to parliament. which is the whole point of a campaign to get "none of the above" officially put on the ballot paper.
doing this would mean that just by getting on the ballot paper, I will have accomplished my mission, and it will allow the chance to prove whether there is a genuine desire by the british public to have a none of the above box on the ballot paper, as a way of voicing their discontentment and/or disillusionment with the current political system and/or political parties.
more importantly it will show the power of the individual to change things
in fact if someone did what i am doing in every constiuency, then we will have created the possibility, as common individuals, to force a new general election.
talking of constituencies, i dont know where to run yet, but am thinking it would be good to run where there are as few candidates as possible. the reason being that if there are only a few candidates, then the ballot paper will be shorter than the one where 20 or 30 candidates are standing, which usually resembles an unwrapped toilet roll.
effectively, a short paper means increased likelyhood of my name being seen. wow I am sounding like a politician already (!)
A N Other foolish campaign?....Friday 22nd January 2010
So here we go then, as I embark on yet another foolish campaign
I have tried to walk, without money, to india, starting at Dover.
I got as far as Calais, so I suppose you could say I failed on that one.
Next I started to give away all my excess wages, after paying for rent, bills and food, to random strangers. However my girlfriend at the time having a birthday, and my team getting to the Champions league final, put the kaibosh to that one as well.
failed again (!)
although I did succeed in giving away about £300 to about 7 different strangers.
Now my next foolish adventure begins........
I want to change my name by deed poll to "zero none of the above" and stand in the next general election.........
i am doing this solely because i want to see a "none of the above" box on the ballot paper
however, just in case i actually get elected i have thought of one election promise i could make
i could promise that while claiming every single penny that i can in expenses, i will only pay myself half the average uk weekly wage, and donate all the rest of the money to the NHS...........
already i have hit my first apparent snag.....................Its illegal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently its illegal to put the phrase "None Of The Above" on a UK election ballot paper.
But I am not that easily disuaded (unless its a freezing day in Calais!! or my girlfriends birthday!!!) so am currently checking the small print. it may be that I can't name a political party "none of the above" but I am not calling my political party that, well it would be nice if i could, but thats democracy (!), "none of the above" is going to be my name, surely its not illegal to have a name, not in a democracy, is it? (!)
Haven't picked a constituency yet either, and the £1000 deposit will have to come from my credit card, but hey I'm going to think of it as an expensive holiday, I think it could be quite fun, and it will be another thing to tick off my list, in the experiment that is my life. I will have stood as a candidate in a general election, although heaven forbid something goes drastically wrong and I end up being elected. I have far more important things to do with my time, than waste it in politics (!)
my sole aim is to get "none of the above" on the ballot paper, heaven forbid, the last thing i want is to actually be elected (!) I may be a fool, but I am not that stupid
ps sorry for the long blog